When TV was good

Listen kids.
TV used to be good.

TV commercials , back in the day, were more memorable than any sitcom or "reality" show or "talent" show (quotations are intentional) that is on nowadays.

TV commercials were so good that they are still memorable today
They were so good that some products had more than one memorable hook....no pun intended.

Take tuna fish...that's right, I said tuna fish.

Recognize this guy?



Sure you do. That's Charlie the Tuna.

Charlie thought that his sophistication, style, and charm made him the perfect tuna for Star Kist tuna.
As a kid I think I thought Charlie was always drunk...and it seemed ok.
The commercial always ended with a hook being dropped under water in front of Charlie. On the hook was a note that said SORRY CHARLIE....
...and then the narrator would say, "Sorry Charlie, Star Kist doesn't want a tuna with good taste...Star Kist wants a tuna that tastes good".

Genius.

...and Charlie always took this as bad news. Apparently Charlie had some sort of death wish. Why the desire to end up in a can, put on a grocery shelf, and ultimately mixed with some mayo, spread between two slices of bread and end up in some kid's school lunchbox I'll never know. Or even worse, fed to the cat.

Then again, you could Ask any mermaid you happened to see, What's the best tuna?"
Apparently she would reply, "Chicken of the Sea".


Except if I saw this mermaid in the sea, I might mistake her for the Sea Monkey Mom. ..and what I'd want to ask her is "Were those humans in the ad somehow transformed into the sea monkey family, and if so, what do you miss more, you no longer having a vagina or your husband no longer having a penis?"


See the resemblance?

Let's not forget the meat by product category.
Oscar Mayer had two winners for two different products.

Hot dogs



By the way, this photo was taken on I-295 in Maine after the last snow storm. What the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile was doing in Maine in the middle of February I'll never know. Ain't a lot of cookouts happening in Maine in February. Just sayin'.

Where was I? Ahh, the slogan...

Oh, I’d love to be an Oscar Mayer Wiener….. That is what I’d truly like to be….. ‘Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer Wiener….. Everyone would be in love with me!

Really?

That would never work today. I don't know how it worked then.
Ain't the double entendre a wonderful thing?

The other was lunch meat

How about this kid? Cute, huh?


Here was his big moment...

Oscar Mayer brainwashed an entire generation into thinking that baloney was spelled B-O-L-O-G-N-A.

Which, of course, was just wrong.

By the way, this little boy made it big a second time as an adult...does he look familiar to you ?...


Unfortunately it wasn't as Ronald Macdonald..it was as Captain Crook.

Ultimately he met his demise when he got busted for drug trafficking. Maybe you read about it. He, the Hamburglar, and Grimace were busted digging a tunnel from McDonaldland to Tijuana. It was Officer Big Macs biggest bust to date. The pardon from Mayor McCheese never came.

Jeez, there's so many more...
"It's not nice to fool Mother Nature" Turns out Mother Nature was quite a biotch.

Calgon's "Ancient Chinese Secret"...which I'm not sure was the true ancient Chinese secret



"Please don't squeeze the Charmin" uttered by the eternally creepy Mr. Whipple



"I can't believe I ate the whole thing"...unfortunately uttered (at least to himself) by Pompatus of Pete far to often. Same company did "Try it you'll like it", which, also unfortunately Pompatus of Pete did far too often with far too many things when he was a young lad.



"Is it live or is it Memorex"? It was obviously Memorex, oh and for my readers under thirty, this is probably the most obsolete reference of them all. It was for cassette tapes, by the way. Ask your parents about the broken glass. Trust me, they'll remember



That's it for now.

I have to go reach out and touch someone.

Peace. (now that's the best slogan of all)