THE DEFINITIVE LIST OF THE BEST CHRISTMAS SONGS OF ALL TIME.
http://pompatusofpete.blogspot.com/2011/12/id-like-to-teach-world-to-sing.html
This one wasn't on it, but if I hadn't been falling asleep towards the end of writing it I would have gone from making a list of seven to a list of eight.
Not everybody's taste, but it surely is mine...and remember, there's no debating the list...because it's definitive.
Anyway, I said my next post was going to be the worst Christmas songs of all time, so without further ado, is
THE DEFINITIVE LIST OF THE WORST CHRISTMAS SONGS OF ALL TIME
7) Tie. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reggae and Wonderful Christmastime.
Paul McCartney
It is almost (almost) sacrilegious for me to say something negative about a member of my favorite band. Sorry Sir Paul. These aren't good. Rudolph is 1) An instrumental....and 2) Not Reggae. I don't even know what the instrument is. Maybe one of those saws that you bend and play with a bow? Beats the hell out of me.
Ding dong ding dong ding dong ding
oo-oo-oo-oo
oo-oo-oo-oo-oo
doo-doo,doo-doo, doo-d-doodoo
Actually, maybe Linda wrote the lyrics. Even Ringo's Christmas songs are better than this. Try to tell me with a straight face that you'd rather be at the Christmas party in this video instead of the one in Dylan's video. I won't believe you....and I will disregard any future opinion of yours as well.
6) Little Drummer Boy
Really? Pa rum pum pum? What kind of drum sounds like pa rum pum pum? I don't remember any drumming in the Gift of the Magi...oh, wait a minute, wrong reference, that's O. Henry. Now that's a story..here you go, something to take your mind of this bad, bad music http://www.online-literature.com/donne/1014/
According to this poor excuse for a song, the little drummer boy didn't have anything to give baby Jesus, so he played him a song on his drum. This made baby Jesus smile. I think more likely it was gas.
Oh, and I'd give the Christmas special a D...easily three grades below Rudolph, even worse than Frosty the Snowman, about on par with Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol.
The song starts about 1:30 in...I don't blame you if you don't make it that far
5) Dominick the Donkey
Lou Monte
Jing a de jing...Hee haw hee haw. The Italian Christmas Donkey? I ain't picking up what he's laying down. ..and if it's an Italian Christmas song, how come the only people I know that like it are from Biddeford?
4) Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer
Elmo and Patsy
Not funny. It goes something like this.
Grandma drinks to much "eggnog"
Grandma stumbles out of the house to get her "medication"
Grandma gets killed by Santa Claus.
Grandpa watches football, drinks, and plays cards the next day.
Like I said, not funny.
We're smarter than this.
3). Do They Know it's Christmas(Feed the World)
Band Aid
Hey, I'm not knocking the cause. I'm for feeding starving children in Ethiopia as much as the next guy. I'm knocking the song. A bunch of 80's British "rock" stars got together...and I use that term loosely. David Bowie actually recorded his part and mailed it in. Literally. Oh, and the lead singer from Frankie Goes to Hollywood (Frankie Goes to Hollywood, for Christ sakes) was so committed to the cause that he recorded his part over the phone. Did you read what I just wrote? OVER THE PHONE. What that hell was he too busy doing? Cleaning Freddie Mercury's underwear? Even Bono, who I'm a fan of (well, a fan of his band) was given a line to sing, which to me, even 27 years later, I can't figure how it can be deemed charitable. In response to the previous line about "the Christmas bells in Africa being clanging chimes of doom", or something equally horrific and tragic...Bono shouts out "Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you!" WTF is that all about? He's glad it's people starving in Africa and not somebody he knows? That's what he's saying, isn't it?
Here it is...get your big hair wigs out
2) The Christmas Shoes
Newsong
I can't say anything about this one without being offensive. So I won't,
Just horrible.
Finally...the top (or bottom) song in
THE DEFINITIVE LIST OF THE WORST CHRISTMAS SONGS OF ALL TIME
1). Last Christmas
Wham!
I'm in my car the other day travelling with a co worker. My co worker is a few years younger than me, happily married, two kids, from upstate Maine, hunts, fishes,chops his own firewood... (I'm painting a picture here).
So with no prompting (no radio)
This is how it goes...
He starts singing..
"Last Christmas I gave you my heart, but the very next day you gave it away...."
Me, "Stop that."
Him, "What?"
Me,"Is that Wham your singing?"
Him, "I guess so."
Me, "You cannot sing that shit in my car. It's not allowed."
He chuckles.
Me, "I mean it. Get out of my car."
I pull over.
He gets out in shame.
He starts walking.
I drive off.
This was in Albany NY. I haven't seen him since. He's probably still walking. He deserved it.
So that's it...
THE DEFINITIVE LIST OF THE WORST CHRISTMAS SONGS OF ALL TIME.
I've gotta go play some Foghat.....
Peace.
