Phil McCracken

Advance warning...this one's going to be juvenile, off color, and possibly offensive. If those three things don't appeal to you I suggest you stop reading this now and go back to complaining about the recent election, or the weather, or time change...or any other event that has recently given you something to bitch about.

How's that for an opening?

The inspiration for this one is from a recent gathering I was at...picture about 10 men, all approaching or in their forties, standing in a driveway giggling like a bunch of ten year olds because one of us mentioned the words splooge and smegma in the same sentence. Let me repeat that. Splooge. Smegma. C'mon, that's good stuff. That's old school. That's fifth grade humor at it's best. So Rich, Dave, Chris, Joe, Kevin, and the rest of you juveniles...this one's for you.



So it got me to thinking about other words or phrases that have the same effect.

Let's get these out of the way right now...

...and don't ever hold a table under the name Sal Monella.

There are some words that are usually pretty innocuous, but at the right time are spot on inappropriate

Beaver

I don't think I need to elaborate on that one..right?

Uranus.

Uranus is bigger than earth.

Seamen.

Everyone's heard the one about the shipwrecked sailors that eventually had to eat their own seamen. Haven't you?

Pianist.

The boy hugged his pianist when he showed him how to play on his organ.

Everyone offended yet? No? OK, I'll keep going then.

Coccyx.

I hurt my coccyx when I fell on the ice.

Breast stroke.
My favorite form of exercise is the breast stroke.


Poop deck.
That one brings me back to 1975, Thornton Heights elementary school. That one got you too, didn't it?


Dictator.
Say it with me.
Dictator.

Oh, and don't confuse this one with cunctator...that one made me smile just typing it.
Cunctator (smiling again) is someone who procrastinates.
Pompatus of Pete is not a cunctator, but he does like to take his time.

Wenis.


This one's a little obscure.
The wenis is that flap of skin under your elbow.
"If you touched my wenis would that be against the penal code?"
Do me a favor and use that one today. Tell someone that your wenis is dry, or something to that affect. Have some fun with it.


Cummerbund
He didn't dance all night because his cummerbund was too tight.



Enough.
What do you say we end this one with a little dignity?



Why bother? At least let's end this showing some intellect..



There...that's better.

Peace out.