Thumpety thump thump

Another Christmas song post?

Fa la la la la la la la la.
So there.





What is it with Christmas song lyrics?
They are sung by all, but you know what?

They don't make sense.

"Don we now our gay apparel"?
Ok. I guess so...don't know if I actually own any gay apparel, but, 'tis the season so what the hell.



But that's not as bad as the next line from that song..."troll the ancient yuletide carol"

Nope.
Ain't buying it.
Doesn't make sense.
WTF does trolling have to do carols, let alone ancient yuletide ones?

...but I am down with the being jolly. I'm all for jolly. Jolly is under utilized. Maybe jolly isn't socially accepted. I don't know. When was the last time you actually saw someone being jolly anyway?

Ladies and gentleman...Jolly John. You will not know Jolly John if you're not from Maine...or under the age of 25. Neither of those statements apply to Pete.

Does anyone know any good sleighing songs?
I don't.
Perhaps if I was dashing through the snow one might come to me.
Doubt it.

What are jingle bells anyway. Don't all bells jingle? Other than at Christmas does anyone even say jingle?
Let me answer that for you.
No.



That's a funny cat photo, I hear people love funny pictures of animals.
Me? Not so much.

pa rum pa pum pum
Really? Is that supposed to sound like a drum because it doesn't.

Well, maybe it does if your drum is made out of clay.





..and your drumsticks. And yourself.

That song sucks so much that those are the only words I know in the whole song.
What does that tell you?
Doesn't help that it's repeated every other line of the song.
You are forced to sing that line eight hundred and twenty seven times..if you go with the long version.
Tedious.

How come the bumble or Yukon Cornelius don't get mentioned in the Rudolph song?
They were key players.
Hermie on the other hand, deserved to be left out.
Seriously, would you want him for your dentist?
Didn't think so.

This is from the lost episode "Hermie decapitates his first patient".
To this day I don't know why that one wasn't so popular.

Hey, let's go on a sleigh ride!
All of our friends will call yoo hoo.
Well, I guess in a wintry fairy land they might.


Enough already.

I've got to go have a cup of cheer.

Festivus for the rest of us.

tra la la la la la la la

Phil McCracken

Advance warning...this one's going to be juvenile, off color, and possibly offensive. If those three things don't appeal to you I suggest you stop reading this now and go back to complaining about the recent election, or the weather, or time change...or any other event that has recently given you something to bitch about.

How's that for an opening?

The inspiration for this one is from a recent gathering I was at...picture about 10 men, all approaching or in their forties, standing in a driveway giggling like a bunch of ten year olds because one of us mentioned the words splooge and smegma in the same sentence. Let me repeat that. Splooge. Smegma. C'mon, that's good stuff. That's old school. That's fifth grade humor at it's best. So Rich, Dave, Chris, Joe, Kevin, and the rest of you juveniles...this one's for you.



So it got me to thinking about other words or phrases that have the same effect.

Let's get these out of the way right now...

...and don't ever hold a table under the name Sal Monella.

There are some words that are usually pretty innocuous, but at the right time are spot on inappropriate

Beaver

I don't think I need to elaborate on that one..right?

Uranus.

Uranus is bigger than earth.

Seamen.

Everyone's heard the one about the shipwrecked sailors that eventually had to eat their own seamen. Haven't you?

Pianist.

The boy hugged his pianist when he showed him how to play on his organ.

Everyone offended yet? No? OK, I'll keep going then.

Coccyx.

I hurt my coccyx when I fell on the ice.

Breast stroke.
My favorite form of exercise is the breast stroke.


Poop deck.
That one brings me back to 1975, Thornton Heights elementary school. That one got you too, didn't it?


Dictator.
Say it with me.
Dictator.

Oh, and don't confuse this one with cunctator...that one made me smile just typing it.
Cunctator (smiling again) is someone who procrastinates.
Pompatus of Pete is not a cunctator, but he does like to take his time.

Wenis.


This one's a little obscure.
The wenis is that flap of skin under your elbow.
"If you touched my wenis would that be against the penal code?"
Do me a favor and use that one today. Tell someone that your wenis is dry, or something to that affect. Have some fun with it.


Cummerbund
He didn't dance all night because his cummerbund was too tight.



Enough.
What do you say we end this one with a little dignity?



Why bother? At least let's end this showing some intellect..



There...that's better.

Peace out.