Mary liked to pour gravy on John's ______ .

Does that title ring a bell?
Of course it does...
Anyone remember Match Game?

Actually that's Charles Nelson Reilly.

Match Game seemed like a part of my growing up. I think it was on continuously from the time I was, oh, I don't know, maybe nine until I lost interest in it. It could still be on now in some fashion for all I know.

For you youngsters or readers not from the States (believe it or not, Pompatus of Pete has a decent following in Russia...and Germany...and even Latvia of all places. Kid you not, Latvia), Match Gane was a game show with two contestants..


One host..the one and only Gene Rayburn (of the long skinny microphone Clan)


...and six "celebrity" panelists


Actually, celebrity might have been a bit of a stretch.
As a kid I had no idea who Charles Nelson Reilly was..I just knew him as the guy on the top right "celebrity" spot. Right next to Brett Sommers. "Who's Brett Summers"? you may ask. My reply would be, "I don't know".

Richard Dawson parlayed his stint as Newkirk in Hogan's Hero's into the middle spot, bottom row on Match Game, which eventually led to him hosting The Family Feud, a game EVERYONE knows, but, let's call a spade a spade, not nearly up to the calibre of Match Game.

Those three seemed to be regulars, if my memory serves me right. Maybe throw in Betty White more often than not as well.The other two to three spots would change each week. These would be celebs not quite up to par with those four. If you can believe that.

These were the type of "celebrities" that would be on the Merv Griffin show. I'm not talking about the first guest type, more likely they would be at the far end of the couch, coming on in the last five minutes usually reserved for up and coming comedians. Or maybe you'd see them perform on the Jerry Lewis telethon, but in the overnight hours when Jerry wasn't quite fried yet.


(I don't know if those numbers at the bottom of the screen are still active, but if you're from either Orange or Dutchess County why don't you give it a try...for Jerry's kid's.)

Or maybe these celebs would be on one of the trillion variety shows that used to be on back in the day...like the Flip Wilson Show...or Donny and Marie...or Sonny & Cher...the Brady Bunch. Christ, I think even Lola Falana had a variety show back in the 70's.

Remember her?



Lola's the tall one in the middle.

Possibly these second tier celebs were bit players on one of the gagillions of sitcoms that were on then as well. For instance, it wouldn't be Bob Newhart (from the first Bob Newhart show. You know the one where he was a shrink) it would be someone from his ensemble cast...like Suzanne Pleshette, who played his wife...or Bill Dailey, his next door neighbor Howard , who was a pilot or something...or Peter Bonerz (insert the Beavis and Butthead snicker here), who shared receptionists with Bob but was a dentist or orthodontist..or Marcia Wallace, said sassy receptionist.

Get the picture?



Now you do....

So , off the top of my head I recall "celebs" like ...
Nipsy Russell
Gary Burghoff
Jimmie Walker
Avery Schreiber
Bert Convy
Orson Bean
Jo Ann Pflug
...holy cow, where'd that last one come from?

Swear to God. These are real people. I think. Google 'em. I dare you. Might be a few mispellings sprinkled in there for good measure.

I think the reason I liked Match Game so much as a kid was because I knew they were all behaving a little naughty...with the double entendre fill in the blanks..half of them seemed to be smoking...and I've got a sneaking suspicion that having a bottle in the dressing room was part of the contract.

Now...how to wrap this car crash of a blog up?

How about this?

I predict the game show format to make a comeback. "Reality" tv seems to be where it's at currently, but that can't really last, can it? America isn't isn't that stupid, is it?

I'll take one Ed Sullivan for as many two headed honey boo boo american idol survivor housewives as you could fit barrel.

Stuff that in Charles Nelson Reilly's pipe and smoke it.


Dumb Dora was so dumb she used to grow _______ in the community garden.

...and wouldn't you know, I never did get around to explaining the premise of the game.

So it goes.

It's deuce, not douche...

That sums it up.

and this is the version..

Not this next one, christ, they play chopsticks at the end of this version for crying out loud..and, chopsticks played badly. Just my opinion but I think Mannfred Mann made a career out of sucking off other artists songs. At least they never destroyed a Bob Dylan song...oh wait a minute, how could I forget their awful version of The Mighty Quinn (Quinn the Eskimo). Go ahead and google or youtube that one yourself. I've had enough.

Ok Pete, get off your pedestal.

What brings us here today is the full explanation of this song's convoluted lyrics. As I've done before, I'll break down the lyrics for you so that the next time (or first time for some of you) hear this song you'll get to experience it with a whole new understanding and depth that didn't exist for you before.

Also, as before, my comments will apper in red so as not to confuse my poetic explanations with the actual lyrics of the song.

You're welcome.

Here we go...Blinded by the Light.

Madman drummers bummers and indians in the summer with a teenage diplomat

This line means nothing. Bruce was just showing off by using both off centered rhyme(where interior words in a sentence rhyme) and single, double, and triple pure rhyme at the end of each line, which you wouldn't pick up on until you get to the next line. Obviously.

In the dumps with the mumps as the adolescent pumps his way into his hat

I'd rather not speak to this one, it's so obvious
With a boulder on my shoulder feelin kinda older I tripped the merry-go-round

You've heard of chip on your shoulder, right? Well this is the same, but bigger, much bigger. I'm talking HUGE.
With this very unpleasing sneezing and wheezing the calliope crashed to the ground

See how big it was? We're talking thousands of dollars of damage here. Told you.

Some all-hot half-shot was headin for the hot spot snappin his fingers clappin his hands

This is a metaphor ...or maybe it's an idom. Like me biting off more than I could chew with this blog.

And some fleshpot mascot was tied into a lovers knot with a whatnot in her hand

The fleshpot was the mascot of the Asbury Park Polka Dot (Bruce did a brief stint in a square dancing group that went by that name). Wait a minute, now he's got me doing it too.
And now young scott with a slingshot finally found a tender spot and throws his lover in the sand
bow-chicka-bow-wow
And some bloodshot forget-me not whispers daddys within earshot save the buckshot turn up the band
"shut the front door"....if you know what I mean

And she was blinded by the light.
Slang for having to clean the toilet...you'll see....
cut loose like a deuce
Here's the line.
My friend Steve Buscemi told me that he and Springsteen rented a house on the Jersey shore the Summer that this song was written. Steve said the E Street band used to have contests to see which band member could do the longest...umm, how do I put this...you know, "back the big brown motorhome out of the garage"....or "dropping the anchor"...or maybe "freeing the chocolate hostages"...or how about a little less graphic "going number two". There you have it. Sorry.
Another runner in the night. blinded by the light
More slang for going boom boom.
She got down but she never got tight, but she'll make it alright
She didn't like it, but she sucked it up (no, not literally), took care of the mess, and got on with things.
Oh, and as an aside, guess who always won these bathroom contests? You guessed it. Clarence Clemons. No surpise there. I think that's where he got the nickname "The Big Man".
Some brimstone baritone anticyclone rolling stone preacher from the east
He's talking about Little Richard. Kid you not.
He says: dethrone the dictaphone, hit it in it's funny bone, that's where they expect it least
Except Richard said it so fast it sounded like "A whop bop a lua a whop bam boo"!
And some new-mown chaperone was standin in the corner all alone watchin the young girls dance
a stalker with a new haircut
And some fresh-sown moonstone was messin with his frozen zone to remind him of the feeling of romance
wink wink, nudge nudge...say no more...you know what I mean?



Yeah he was blinded by the light.
You notice it's "he" now, and not "she"..what the frig is going on?
cut loose like a deuce
Actually this is no longer about the E street band's "longest dump" contest..now he's playing cards. Just discarded a two. A two sucks in poker. They might be good in Acey Ducey, but I don't really recall.
Another runner in the night. blinded by the light
There's refers to Bruce's brother that stared at the Sun for two long. Blind as a bat. He was a marathoner. It's true. Look it up. Best blind runner in New Jersey
He got down but she never got tight, but he's gonna make it tonight
no comment

Some silicone sister with her managers mister told me I got what it takes
Ummm, a well endowed girl, right?
She said I'll turn you on sonny to something strong if you play that song with the funky break
The song she wanted to hear was "Doo Wa Diddy (diddy dum diddy doo) by, you guessed it, Manfred Mann.
And go-cart mozart was checkin out the weather chart to see if it was safe to go outside
Ok, this is getting a little tedious...please reference my comment on the first line of the song
And little early-pearly came in by her curly-wurly and asked me if I needed a ride

This line just goes to show that Bruce liked smoking the "boo boo bama" back in the day
Oh, some hazard from harvard was skunked on beer playin backyard bombardier
A drunk ivy league college student playing jarts..yes, jarts. Old school.
Yes and scotland yard was trying hard, they sent a dude with a calling card
I just spent 20 minutes trying photoshop a fake Scotland Yard business card here, but it's obviously beyond me. To bad, it was awesome.
 He said, do what you like, but don't do it here
...and that line was at the bottom of the card. See? Awesome.
Well I jumped up, turned around, spit in the air, fell on the ground, asked him which was the way back home
He said take a right at the light, keep going straight until right, and then boy you're on your own
Seriously, maybe my two favorite lines in any song. Ever. No lie. Genius.

And now in zanzibar a shootin star was ridin in a side car hummin a lunar tune
   


literal enough for you?

Yes, and the avatar said blow the bar but first remove the cookie jar, were gonna teach those boys to laugh too soon
Are we almost done?

And some kidnapped handicap was complaining that he caught the clap from some mousetrap he bought last night
I think this has something to do with Gilligan's Island, Bruce's favorite television show at the time. Still is as a matter of fact. Mine too. God's honest truth, I asked my youngest daughter today if she knew what Gilligan's Island was. Not a clue. I guess I've failed as a parent. Some day she'll understand all those references I make like, "little buddy" or "three hour cruise" or maybe even help explain my penchant for only building things out of bamboo. We'll see.
Well I unsnapped his skull cap and between his ears I saw a gap but he'd figured he'd be all right
...and this is a reference to burying Paul McCartney, but you have to play it backward. Try it.


He was just blinded by the light. cut loose like a deuce
Another runner in the night. blinded by the light
I think we're good on this now, don't you?
Mama always told me not to look into the sights of the sun
Bruce's blind marathoning brother did not listen to his Mom.
Oh but mama that's where the fun is
Don't talk back to Mother.


and that's all there is, there is no more.

All makes sense now, doesn't it? Crystal clear.
___________________________________

You don't know how close I am to posting the video of Mannfred Mann destroying Quinn the Eskimo.

Another time.

Earworm

This is not an earworm....



...it's an earwig

This is an earworm, but not the kind I'm taking about...



That's a corn earworm...if if you ever run into one of those, get your money back.

This is also an earworm, but, once again, not the kind of earworm this blog is about.



This was a scene from Wrath of Khan.. which was the second (or third or fourth) Star Trek movie for all of you non fantasy fiction geeks out there.

This (finally) if the type of earworm I'm talking about...

Don't be a hater...go with it. For the rest of the day. While you're driving in your car...or taking a shower..or standing in line (any line...the line doesn't matter)..or during a meeting at work...or cooking supper... ad infinitum.

Get it?

It don't go away...for a long time. Although supposedly there is one antidote, which I'll share at the end.
My good friend Stephen King described an earworm as "a song that burrows into your head and commences chewing on your brain". He may even be the originator of this word, I don't truly know...ask me in twenty years when I catch up to the "newness" of it. Steve always was good in the description dept. Much better than Tom Clancy (nod to an old blog of mine)...

http://pompatusofpete.blogspot.com/2011/12/whos-guy-that-writes-those-books.html

Apparently earworms are nothing new, although the word was included in the Merriam-Webster Collegiate dictionary for the first time this year.


Other first timers were f-bomb (really? f-bomb?), man cave (kind of like that one), sexting (God forbid), and aha moment (which I have never uttered, or ever will. Trust me).



Oprah, on the other hand, says it ALL THE TIME.
Pete says it never. Never ever.

Back to earworms.

I'm sure the word earworm has been around for quite some time.

"New" trends can take awhile to reach me, possibly because
1) I live in Maine, and Maine is always the last in the nation to experience anything. Except, of course, the sunrise. Maine is the first in the nation to experience that event. Everyday, for ever and ever. Suck on that California.

2) I'm not a trendy person. I'm actually the antithesis of a trendy person. What's that? Unfashionable? That doesn't seem right. I think I'll create a new word that means the opposite of trendy, then try to get it in a future Merriam-Webster Collegiate dictionary. How about reluctantal?
Pete is reluctantal when it comes to new fads.

3) I'm a little slow.

Hell, I'm still warming up to "Where's the beef?", Ray-Ban sunglasses, and moonwalking.




Jesus, where was I ?

Oh, earworms...right.

Here's a list of earworms (generated by nothing but prior personal history - with comments in red), at least one of which is guaranteed to stick with you, at least while you're standing in line for that cup of coffee.

• Who Let the Dog's Out (who who who. This one will sap the strength right out of you)
• The Heart of Rock n Roll (is still beatin', and from what I've seen I believe 'em. Now the old boy may be barely breathing...etc. etc. etc)
• The Name Game (Shirley, Shirley shirley bo birley bonana fanna fo firley, fee fy mo mirley, Shirley!...go ahead fill in any name, try to stump yourself, can't do it, can you?)
• Another Brick in the Wall Part Two (We don't need no education...well, looking back on it, maybe we did)
• Rock and Roll (It's been a long time, been a long time, been a long, lonely, lonely lonely, lonely, lonely time...I guess it really has, hasn't it?)
• Hotel California (you can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave. Or ever get this song out of your head)
• Brady Bunch Theme (I don't even have to start the words to this one...you're already up to the part where the lady met the fellow)
• Green Acres theme (this one curses you with the words and the music, everybody all together now...da da dada da....da da)
• Kit Kat commercial (give me a break, give me a break, break me off a piece....you know the rest)
• Coconut (you put the lime in the coconut and shake 'em all up...actually a favorite of mine..though not played a lot, for obvious reasons)
• It's a Small World (and I don't even know any of the lyrics other than it's a small world after all. Truly horrible. I hope this isn't the one that sticks with you)
• Have to include, I want my baby back baby back baby back (Don't even know if this has a title, so let's call it the Chili's Torture Song)

..and a quadrillion more.

Oh, and the antidote to an earworm?

It was either visit the Eiffel Tower or say the alphabet backwards in Swahili or cross your heart and hope to die... I forget...I can't get Don't Stop Believin' by Journey out of my head.

Keep cool.

Go for the Gold!

Some thoughts on the XXX Summer Olympics.
(Obviously the XXX portion comes after hours because I've yet to see anything innappropriate)

I know the runner from South Africa with no legs is a great story and all, but I think that headless gymnast should have got more press than she did.
 

Not coming soon to your local grocer ....


I think the reason she was so dissapointed in winning silver is because that's the same precious metal that her spoons and plates have always been made of. Honey, you're the second best IN THE WORLD. Smile..that means you were better in your sport than 6,973,738,432 other people. For crissakes. Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they've hit a triple.

Did you see this one?


So let me break it down for you...
1500 meter race for the gold medal
congested field
this runner trips
she then proceeds to have a tantrum on the track. (My house was divided on this one, but here's my take)...Get off the goddamned ground and finish the friggin' race. Don't roll around on the track and have a little hissy fit. What are you, a five year old who just let go of their ballon after Mommy said, "now sweetie, be sure to hold on to that balloon"?

I get it. You've been training for half of your life for this moment. Think of all those big macs and whoopie pies you could have had. You know what, you fell...you didn't get injured...get off the ground and finish the race. Hell, you probably could have caught that girl from Saudi Arabia wearing the full headress and robe that her country made her wear.
Jesse Owens is rolling over in his grave.
Quitter.



This guy ran the last 200 meters of his leg of the relay race with a broken leg, yes a broken leg. Apparently a bruised ego is harder to overcome than an appendage that used to be in one piece becoming two during a race.
Winner.




Speaking of winners and losers that Usain Bolt sure can run. It's almost like he's chasing something.



He's a winner, but that national anthem from Jamaica surely is not. It sounds like the theme song to a 1970's soap opera.

Awful , isn't it?
I always thought this was the Jamaican national anthem..

There's a lot of synchronized events I wasn't aware of...diving, swimming, and the lesser known synchronized badminton. The swimming was kind of cool..it's really amazing the timing of those manuevers while treading water. I was enjoying the diving as well, but found it curious why the guys would all have to go hang out together in the hot tub after each dive




Queer, isn't it?

The fencing ended up being quite exciting...



and I found myself watching water polo, although I don't know why. Well, maybe I do..




Oh, and apparently Michael Phelps has always been the fastest swimmer.




There's dozens of other highlights (and lowlights) that could be discussed, but I'm already looking ahead to 2016 in Rio. I hear the teams to beat are the Scooby Doobies, the Yogi Yahooeys, and the Really Rottens.




...fingers crossed for the Spice Girls at the closing ceremonies.

Don't want no short people around here

Spot on.

I totally agree. Short people cannot be trusted. How can they? They've got "tiny little hands and nasty little feet..grubby little fingers and dirty little minds". I'd be ok with no short people in the world. Let's say, oh, I don't know, anyone under five feet tall.

Kids get a pass. Until they're eighteen.

While we're at it, I'm not that fond of left handed people either. They need "special" scissors for crying out loud. There's an additional batters box for them in baseball. They need their own golf clubs. They complain about ball point pens because they are "pushing" the ball and not "pulling the ball. They have trouble with spiral (and three ring) notebooks. They're always banging elbows with me when I eat next to someone that's left handed. Can openers are a challenge for them. And on and on and on.
Here's a solution. Use your right hand. It's called right for a reason. Because it's the "right way" to do things.

Stop being such babies.



Don't need no left handers around here.

While we're at it, what good do quiet people serve? They never speak up, unless it's to say "I'm not shy, I'm quiet". What kind of society would we have if everyone was quiet? The problem with quiet people is that they think everyone else should be quiet. All the time. I'm all for not talking during movies, soft voices in libraries, and all the other times when being quiet is correct. But there's no need for those people that hang the friendly signs outside the cubes that they work in that say things likes "Shhh, be considerate of others" or "Please remember there are people working here" or some other blatantly hostile messages that are disguised as gentleness.




They seriously don't think that actually causes people to pause in front of their office cube just to purposely have a conversation? It's practically an invitation to stop and talk.

I've often found myself conveniently dropping my cup of coffee outside one of these cubes just so I can shout " Damn, I just dropped my coffee again!" at the top of my lungs.

We know you're working...we're all working. Stop being so passively aggressive.

Don't need no quiet people around here.

Then there's all those health nuts. I get it, be healthy, live a long life. Why should you be able to live a longer life than someone that chooses not to be healthy? You think you're special? Well, you're not. I get it...you ran three miles in the rain before going to bed. Now wipe your feet and get me a beer.


Don't need no healthy people around here.

And how about everyone that needs to "be green" or "go green" or whatever the latest fad is.
I find that discriminitory to all the other colors, and I'm sure you do to.

You paint the town red...not green


You get punched in the arm and it turns black and blue...not green and green.




A coward is yellow....not green



when you (not me) drink too much you blackout...not greenout





Don't need no green people around here.

There.
That should eliminate enough folks.
Now we won't have to stand in line so long to get that chicken sandwich we've been craving.

Peace out.
Love you all...even those that aren't as good as me.

written with tongue firmly in cheek

Vera, Chuck, and Dave

C'mon, you know Vera, Chuck, and Dave...don't you?
They're the grandchildren on your knee from "When I'm 64"
Oh, and if you remember, it was actually "Chook" and not "Chuck"

Pretty talented kid, ain't she?

To set the scene...it's an overcast Sunday morning as I start this road to nowhere post. Cup of coffee to my left, old portable radio at my feet playing the American top 40 from this week in 1974, lovely wife still snoozing, and youngest daughter at her 23rd sleepover of the Summer.

Just me, Casey Kasem and the cat. This has rambling post written all over it...

Wait a minute, that's not Casey Kasem.

I can hear the foghorns from three different lighthouses outside...

"That's a joke, I say that's a joke son" - said as Foghorn Leghorn would.

Actually these are the culprits..

  

I think I hear a cowbell out there too.

What a cow is doing in the Atlantic Ocean, I do not know.

...just heard "Keep on Smiling" from Wet Willie (number 19!). Now that's a blast from the past.

I've missed a few gems too..

Billy Don't Be a Hero...now that's a 70's pop classic. Doesn't sound the same when not listened to a radio that looks like this though.

or this...

or even this...

Yes, I admit, I owned each of those as a kid. That one in the middle was actually a wrist radio. Unfortunately it weighed about five pounds. Whenever I wore it my bike would always pull to the left.

Reception was horrible on these...and I believe they only had AM reception (you kids might have to google that reference), but it was perfect for that era. The Night Chicago Died (number 14!) never sounded better than when heard on one of these relics. Which is different than sounding good, of course.

Oh Jesus...Rock the Boat (number 8!)

Brings me back to the Plymouth Volare wagon

That's how we rolled back then. Appreciate the faux wood paneling. Classy.

Oh my...Rock n Roll Heaven - The Righteous Brothers (number 3!)

and I was going to just comment about what was so righteous about these "brothers", but they sure do look righteous here.

"If you believe in forever, then life is just a one night stand"

That's heavy man.

According to the lyrics the hell of a band consisted of

Jimi Hendrix

Janis Joplin

Jim Morrison

Otis Redding

Jim Croce

and Bobby Darin.

so who played drums?

and why wasn't Mama Cass in the band?

Hey number 1!

Annie's Song.

I'm down with that.

Pleasant little tune.

This is when John Denver was everywhere, every talk show...variety show...heavy radio rotation. Seems like it wasn't until he started to hang around with God that he started to lose his luster.

Coffee's getting cold and I gots to get in the shower.

That was some decent time I spent with Casey

..and remember

Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars.

Peace and love