I Buried Paul

..actually I didn't.

Paul McCartney is still alive. As a matter of fact Paul turns 70 this week. You heard me, or actually, you read that right. 70.

This is the cover to this week's Time magazine.



70 is impressive. Think of some 70 year olds. How do they match up against Paul McCartney? There are some tortoises that don't live to be 70. Some of my favorite people are over 70...but they don't give two and a half hour concerts like Paul still does. If you lined up 70 Paul McCartneys you'd have a football field...including the end zones. 70 is the benchmark for mental retardation on an IQ test...keep that in mind if you ever take one. Thirty five states have speed limits of 70mph. My state is not one of them.

...but I digress.

Back to Sir Paul.

That reference of "I buried Paul" should be crystal clear to my friends over 40...understood by my friends over 30...and vaguely familiar to my friends over 20, if you had parents that are as cool as me. For the 20 year olds with uncool parents (and those of you that are older but have been buried under a rock for your entire existence), here's a very brief explanation of that reference.



In October 1969, a rumor spread through the world that Paul was dead. The story was based on "clues" that the Beatles put on their records and album sleeves, that Paul had been killed in a car accident in November 1966. He was replaced by a look a like who was handsomely rewarded if he would shed his former life and "become" Paul. Rumor has it, he did.

(By the way, there's no way you would know this, but I just walked into the kitchen and opted for another beer...this could start to get really good, or go horribly downhill...we'll see).

The "most famous clue" comes at the end of Strawberry Fields Forever. The Paul is dead freaks claim John is saying "I buried Paul"...What John is saying is actually "Cranberry Sauce", which , of course makes perfect sense.

Except that it makes no sense at all.

Oh wait, it was the Sixties. I guess it makes all the sense in the world.

All I can say is that those recreational drugs must have been wonderful things.

Enjoy this whole thing, then pay attention at 3:57 and you tell me what you think John says....and the first one of you that comes up with John is saying, "Pompatus of Pete" gets snubbed by me the next time I see you. And probably the time after that too.

There's about 112 million other clues that support the Paul is Dead hoax. Look them up on the internet...or ask Joe Duley, I'm pretty sure he knows them all. (Dining with the Duley's - WMPG 90.9 - Tuesdays at 7:30 PM...give them a listen...you'll thank me).

Paul was in my favorite band (no, not Wings). But he wasn't my favorite member of that band. Despite that, I've seen Paul twice, the last time at Fenway Park , and no one but Paul ever had 33 hits in Fenway Park in one night (cue the rimshot)



I've seen Ringo once. It was in the first iteration of his All Star band. I think it was some field in New Hampshire...I remember making a trail to park my car through grass so tall I couldn't see beyond the front of said car. It was reminiscent of a scene from Children of the Corn. Anyway.... It truly was an all star line up..Joe Walsh..Nils Lofgren...Dr. John...Billy Preston...Rick Danko...Levon Helm...Clarence Clemons.

Oh, and Ringo.

If you don't know those names, shame on you...but there's still hope. We live in the computer age. Google those names, check out the bands they were once in, then go to youtube and experience them old school (in a not so old school kind of way).


Or better yet, dust off that old record player, ask your big brother...or crazy uncle..or your Dad (only if he was cool, remember?) for some of their albums, drop the needle on the vinyl, sit back, and enjoy.

...don't mean to get to far off course, but trust me, this all ties together....the best..I mean all time best drop the needle on vinyl sit back and enjoy moment..is without a doubt track one side one (and for you kids, I know this all seems very quaint) of the White album. The song is Back in the USSR and the sound of that jet flying overhead before the song kicks in, and I do mean KICKS IN is the best thing ever. No lie. It's the truth.

Ok, let me push my glasses back up the bridge of my nose, adjust my pocket protector, and get back to finishing this thing off.

I guess seeing Paul twice vs. Ringo once is about the correct equation....unfortunately I didn't see John Lennon three times or George Harrison four. That would truly have been the correct ratio.

Enough of this rubbish. Paul McCartney is no more dead than Shirley Temple, Don Rickles, or Abe Vigoda.

   

...and that's a fact Jack.

Peace.