Cold enough for ya ?

This is Three Dog Night

...and this is the day after a three dog night



A three dog night means it was cold people.
It's been cold here lately..and by cold I mean COLD.

Biting...bitter...glacial...numbing...penetrating...Siberian...piercing.

Friggin' cold.



The last few mornings have been colder than the temperature in my freezer. Or yours
Think about that.

It's the kind of cold where people do things like bring a pot of boiling water outside, chuck it up into the air, and it turns into snow. Instantly. Oh, and they film themselves doing it. Like this.

That's just stupid. That's more stupid than the people that cook an egg on the sidewalk in the Summer...or maybe almost as stupid. I don't know. You decide.

I'll take that over easy. Hold the dirt.

Back to the cold...

So, add that colder than your freezer temp and let's add in some wind.

That's when it gets good (and I mean in a bad way).

That's when we can start talking about wind chill.

That's not how cold it IS..that's how cold it FEELS.

(as you can see theis blog is directed at all the non Mainers that read this. If you're from Maine, like me, you learn about wind chill before you go to kindergarten. For everyone else, I'm not so sure).

The wind chill the last three days..

22 below zero

12 below zero

4 below zero

Let that sink in for a minute.....

I feel kind of guilty because as I write this the current wind chill is all the way up to 6. Yes 6. That's four less than ten. It can get 25 degrees warmer and water would still freeze....and I'm thinking it's warm out.

The cold has obviously affected my ability to reason.

I saw this guy hitch hiking the other day

This gentleman knocked on my front door and asked to spend the night on the couch the other night because it was so cold.

So I let him in.

Next morning he left without saying goodbye, but before he left he apparently peed all over my floor.

I'll never do that again.

Normally I'll just start the car, turn the defroster on, let the car run for a few minutes, and I don't have to scrape the ice of the windshield.

I said normally.

Hasn't seemed to bother my cat much though.

Ok...enough of this.

Oh. one more thing...

just how cold is a witches tit?

Peace out.

Are you ready for some football?

Well, are you?


Not me.
Not so much.

...and before you go any further, for those of you who only know me as pompatus of pete, rest assured this is being written by an able bodied American male whose testosterone levels have checked out to be acceptable. I know this to be true.

I got the inspiration for this post whilst making a salad for today's game. That's right a salad.
...with tofu

.


(I can see legions of people defriending me on facebook as I type this..and I expect many more by the time I'm done with this).

At least it was extra firm...not that that will get any of them back......

Maybe that's why.

Big game today....the home team New England Patriots are playing the Baltimore Ravens in the AFC title game in about two hours. Winner of this game goes to the Super Bowl.

That's very important. Isn't it?

I'll watch it.
..but I won't watch all of it.

Maybe it's because I'm not a fan of either team. I'll root for the Patsies since they are the local squad...and it's good for business. On the side I do a little work in the grocery industry. Did you know that the grocery store goes nuts during the football playoffs ?

They do.



Yeah, that's Andy Warhol buying Campbell's soup.
Sorry about that.

Maybe it's beacause my team isn't playing anymore.


That's my team.

That's a picture of the 1972 Miami Dolphins.
..Sorry, the UNDEFEATED 1972 Miami Dolphins.
Left to right that's Jim Kiick, Larry Csonka, and Mercury Morris.

Those were some football players.

This...

...not so much.

Maybe it's because I already know I'm going to miss the most important game of the year...the game of all games...the most important thing ever...the Super Bowl.


I know this because I already know I'll be travelling on Super Bowl Sunday (see how important it is? It even has a day named after it).

I'll be in a plane. My plane takes off at 6:30 on Feb. 3rd.
What time is kickoff for the Super Bowl?

What date is the Super Bowl?


That's right.

I'll be flying home from a vacation with the Mouse (capital M).


That's actually a picture of me at work the next day with a Mickey Mouse hangover.

..or perhaps I'll look more like this...



Because, you see, it will be my first day back from vacation...and my plane lands at midnight..and it's Monday.

I have to get a different travel agent.

...although he did get me those great tickets to the zoo....


Enough for now.

Got to get some vacuuming done so I don't feel guilty about sitting in front of the TV for the next three hours.

Go Patsies !

Pete comes clean

I used to own the album that this song was on.

Seriously.

A few questions...
How did the drummer and keyboardist get in this band? Was it because they didn't have any chest hair, just like their "funkier" band mates? How did they even meet? I don't see them running in the same circles, let alone being in the same band. One of their Dads must have been their manager.
Did the lead singer with the skull cap really get kicked out of the Village People for being "too gay"?
and most importantly...
...why did I own this album?

I wasn't a total loser. I swear. That year I also bought Rumours by Fleetwood Mac, My Aim is True by Elvis Costello, Aja by Steely Dan, News of the World by Queen, and Slowhand by Eric Clapton.

Oh.
And Saturday Night Fever.


Loser.

I remember jumping on the Disco Sucks bandwagon later that year. Those two albums of mine met their demise by some sort of incendiary device in the backyard of Danny Brown. Danny lived across the street from me. He moved there that year from Sheepshead Bay NY. Danny's father was a marine. Danny's older sister joined the Marines. After school Danny joined the Marines. I've out lived Danny.

God bless him...and all the others that fought with him that I did not know.

OK, back at it,

Maybe I can blame it on 1977 being a very strange year.

They discovered rings around Uranus.
(Hope that made you smile half as much as it did while I typed it. If it didn't go back and read it again. Slowly this time. There. See?)


I went to see the debut of Star Wars. First showing. That, my friends, was a big deal to this 13 year old boy. I rode my bike down the highway to get to the Maine Mall Cinemas. I'm sure I did the same thing to go see Close Encounters of the Third Kind... and the King Kong remake... and Rocky.
Well not Rocky. My Mom took me to see that.




Might have been one of the times the State Police pulled over to tell me that no bikes were allowed on the highway. Didn't matter to me. How else was I supposed to get to the Mall to meet my friends at the clock in the middle of the Mall at an agreed upon time so that we could hang out for the day that was set up by calling each other on our touch tone wall phones?



At least I had graduated to a ten speed by then. It had a speedometer/odometer on it. Oh, and a light.

            
Christ.

I went on a road trip with family friends to Cooperstown NY that year. Baseball Hall of Fame. On the way we went to the Bronx Zoo. They were still looking for the Son of Sam at the time. I know that because I remember hearing in on the car radio whilst I was on his home turf. Scared me a bit knowing I was so close to the most infamous killer I had ever heard of. In my entire life. For some reason I can picture hearing this while it was just "the kids" in the car. No adults. At night. We were vey close to being killed execution style ourselves. I just knew it.



...but then again, maybe not.

Elvis died. I remember where I was when I heard about it. I was in a car on Pennsylvania Ave in South Portland Maine. We had just got back from Canobie Lake Park in Salem New Hampshire. My Mom was going to see him the next night in concert in Portland Maine. The thing I remember as much about Elvis' death that day was getting in a mirror maze at Canobie that I couldn't get out of. Helplessly trapped.

I'm not sure which event scarred me for life more, the King's death or that goddamned mirrored maze.


It doesn't look quite as daunting now, does it?
....just the same, Homey don't play 'dat anymore.

Reggie Jackson hit three homeruns in one game to lead the Yankees to a World Series championship against the Dodgers.

Yawn.


1977 was my first year of Junior High.


Good times. Tough times. Wouldn't have given them up for anything, nor would I want to relive them.

Unfortunately I will when my youngest hits junior high next year.

Ain't life grand?

One last thing, contrary to popular belief, I did not have a Farrah Fawcett poster in my locker that first year of junior high.

I had it over my bed.



Stop it.

Much love.

..and remember..
May the force be with you.

A thumb goes up, a car goes by...

...it's nearly 1:00 AM and here am I.
First line of lyrics to an oldie AND a goodie....

There's something that isn't done much anymore.
At least not with the crowd I run with.

Hitchhiking.

Have you ever hitchhiked? If so do you remember when the last time it was?

I do.

I was "thumbing" across town. I got picked up on Broadway, heading towards the side of town where I currently live.

It was late.

I had a twelve pack of beer under my arm.

I wasn't legal drinking age yet.

Oh, and the car that pulled over to pick me up...

...was a cop.



Not ideal.

I haven't hitchhiked since then. That was close to 30 years ago.

There are other things I haven't done in nearly 30 years.

Driven a car without wearing a seatbelt....



Climbed a tree...


Successfully completed a somersault


Listened to a J. Geils cassette in my car..while turning on my high beams from the floor...

    


Plucked an icicle off the side of the house (and licked it)..


Written in cursive..(except for my signature, which is just awful)..



Took more than 30 seconds to dial a phone number...Didn't you hate dialing numbers that had a lot of eights, nines, and zeros (you kids will have to use some brainpower on that comment)...



Held a lighter up a concert.

Old school...


New school...


That's right...that's a cell phone.

That's lame.

New ain't always better now, is it?

That's it for now...have to go brush up on the metric system while using my slide rule and sipping on a frosted mug of A & W root beer.

Peace out.

Let's meander, shall we?

First new post since December 1st.
You'd think that with that much time off, this blog would be insightful, full of wisdom, and close to Pulitzer Prize material.

Think again.

It's the same old stuff it's always been. Why raise the bar this early in the year?

First some Kinky music to start the year off with.

God I love the Kinks.
Almost as much as I liked the last twelve days I've had off from work.
God I love being off from work.

So, meandering....

Haven't written a new post since Decemeber 1st, but I had the highest number of hits in a month since I started. With some cajoling , begging. and shameless self promotion I had nearly 1100 hits last month.

First thanks to anyone that takes the time to read this tripe (and I mean that in the most sincere way possible).
But I know it was because I inundated you all with post after post after post...after post.

The equivalent of shooting fish in a bucket. Well, maybe not. I don't think I know what that saying really means. I don't like that one. I may never say it again...or I might use it a half dozen times tomorrow..who can say? Certainly not me.


Meandering.

I didn't know Santa smoked.


Come to think of it I think I did see some ashes on the empty cookie plate that he left behind in the kitchen.

Bastard.

During the month I took off I went through the process of applying to the website administrator that I post this blog on (Blogger) to run some advertisements. Once I got out of the mindset of "selling out to the man", I thought, "Why not? Maybe I can even pick the establishments whose ads would show up on my site. I know a few local businesses and local business owners that might appreciate it and I could make some cash at the same time".

You see, there is no money in this game the way I currently do it.

It's only done for the accolades.
Except there are no accolades.

So I thought, go for the cash. Hell, Iggy Pop sold Lust of Life to Carnival Cruse Lines for crying out loud.



Where was I?
Oh, requesting ads on my site.
So, I go through the process only to have Blogger send me a note that I had been declined because of my blogs not meeting the "criteria" that needs to be met for them to allow advertising.

I think it's because I like to swear.
And make inappropriate comments about Santa.

Frig them.

What else?
Oh, I've been sledding with my youngest a few times during my vacation.
For those of you that don't live in the Northeast, sledding is where you find a slope that is covered in snow, put something between you and the snow, and, starting at the top, turn yourself into a projectile and shoot to the bottom of said slope.


Unfortunately some parents have not taught their kids proper sledding etiquette.
Like ...
DON'T WALK BACK UP THE MIDDLE OF THE HILL!

This drove me crazy.

God forbid their parents say anything to them like,
"GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY JUNIOR. CAN'T YOU SEE PEOPLE ARE WAITNG TO GO DOWN THIS GODDAMMED HILL BUT CAN'T BECAUSE YOU ARE BLOCKING THEIR WAY? JESUS CHRIST. USE YOUR HEADS YOU LITTLE BASTARDS. Love you"

Any fool knows you go down the middle of the hill, promptly get the hell out of the way (or at least don't lay at the bottom of the hill licking yellow snow) , and walk up the side of the hill. Repeat, the SIDE OF THE HILL.

Anyway , it's the parents fault.


...and I wonder why they won't let me advertise on here.

Enough for now.
So much for this year being any better than last.

Peace and love.