I like fruit. Do you?
This one might not get your mouth watering, but it will get your foot tapping.
As I type this I'm eating a bowl of cereal with blueberries on top (actually mixed in...it makes me think I'm evenly dispersing the berries that way, but I'm sure some statistician could prove me wrong, or psychiatrist could prove me nuts). Berries make cereal better, don't you think? I mean, cereal's fine...but cereal with fruit is FINE. It's the juxtaposition (you're welcome) of the crunch of the cereal and the juicy sweet with a touch of tart from the fruit that does it.
Let's not forget about some other berries.
The strawberry has to be the king of the berries. Although you can buy strawberries year round from far off exotic lands with mythical names such as Florida and California, we can all agree there is nothing like a strawberry picked right out of the field. The fact that it's such a fleeting season here in Maine probably makes it all the more special. The red ripe, melt in your mouth, lusciousness of a native berry is tough to beat.
Although a nice raspberry comes close. Raspberries are fun and intriguing. Cone shaped...hollow on the inside...a little fuzzy. What's not to love. Except the picking of them. Have you ever picked raspberries? If not, I've got one word for you.
Thorns.
Speaking of thorns don't forget their cousin the blackberry. People often overlook the wonderfulness of this beauty. Sure you can use blackberries for jams and jellies, honey, wine, and they're great in pies and crumbles...but the best way to eat blackberries is popping them into your mouth one at a time. Did you know that Oregon produces the biggest crop of blackberries in the country? Bet you didn't. Bet you don't care either.
Cranberries.
Not so much (personal preference).
Although I have seen cranberries harvested in Cape Cod and it is something to behold. In very simple terms Cranberry bogs (yep, bogs) are flooded...then the ripe fruit gets detached and floats to the top of the water...the berries are skimmed off the top...you buy them at the grocery store....prepare them for Thanksgiving...then throw away most of what you prepared.
But I will admit to liking Cape Cod Chicken Salad, which is, essentialy, chicken salad with fresh cranberries mixed in. Oh, and pecans or walnuts. Neither of which is indigenous to Cape Cod. Go figure.
Yum.
Not sure if that is a glass of wine, or beer, or perhaps urine. None of them I'd picture going exceptionally well with chiken salad.
The intent of this blog was not to prattle on about berries...but that's clearly what I've done. I wanted to talk about fruit....I haven't even begun to talk about pomegranates!
Keep in mind that this was written Mid November....not mid January.
I love where I live.
Am I talking about New England? Well, yes and no. I do love this little group of states tucked up into the northeast corner of the country. No other group of states have a cool moniker like we do. Others try...but they fail.
The Southeast - sorry, that's just geographic. So's the Midwest (what the hell constitutes midwest anyway?)
You've got Southern California, but that don't count because it's only part of one state.
The Bible Belt....but I don't know if anyone can tell you exactly where that is. It certainly isn't a complete set of states, rather, parts of separate states. Besides, that's not even my favorite "belt" in the country. I prefer the Cotton Belt....or the Snow Belt...or even the Rust Belt.
I like the sound of Appalachia...but I don't like the feel of it. Deliverance still gives me the willys.
Am I talking about my state? Well, again, yes and no. Just like New England, I love being stuck up into the farthest most northern and eastern state in the country.
We're unique.
Maine only has one syllable.
We only border one other state.
We've got lobsters...and moose...and lighthouses.
Our state flower is the pine cone tassel for crissakes.
A PINE CONE !!!!!
You know what I'm really talking about? It's my neighborhood. In 15 minutes I can walk to the most famous lighthouse in the world......come to think of it, I can walk to three lighthouses in 15 minutes.
...or to a beach with a view that cannot be beat
or to two bakeries....or three ice cream shops...a liquor store that has great pizzas and italians (yes, italians - look it up if you're not from Maine)....a neighborhood grocery store....Thai food....fresh pasta....art galleries...parks...a surfboard shop...churches...cemeteries...a library...the greenbelt...and did I mention a liquor store. I did, but it bears a second mention.
I took a nap this morning. When I woke up and took a look at myself in the mirror, this is what I saw...
Pretty scary,huh?...and this was after going out in the morning.
I was sick.
I don't like being sick. I'm not good at it. I suck at being sick. I'm not talking terminally ill sick (god forbid).
Scratchy throat, stuffy nose, head and body aches, fever (don't know, maybe just imagining that) no drive, no zip, no get up and go sick.
Isn't that enough?
If it was a weekday, I might have gone to work, may have left a little early, just enough to infect the office. But it's not. It's the weekend. This is free time...play time...fun time. I had stuff to do and it's not getting done. Unless I do it under the weather, which I probably won't, although I should. Who knows? There's always tomorrow. We'll see.
It's supposed to be nice out, which makes it even worse. Nobody want to be inside when the weather outside is so delightful...especially now that it is at such a premium. How many good days do we have left? A handful...at best. Pretty soon the ground will be frozen solid, then covered in snow. Aside from the mandatory shoveling, the obligatory snowman, and the occasional sledding, I turn into an indoor kitty for the next five months.
That's enough to get me out tomorrow, despite the shape I'm in.
Hide the kids, warn the neighbors...that disheveled bum with the rake in his hand ...it's just Pete.
I'm not a good dancer. I think I am. I really do. That is until I get on the dance floor.
In my mind this is how I'm moving....
Anybody else remember this one? I actually had this 45 (once again, for those of you under 30, ask your parents). These guys may not be the best dancers...but they are smooooth...and feeling it...and are having a good time. This is how I visualize myself feeling the music before I actually get up and go make my moves. Actually, if I was one of the Spinners (the Spinners are the band in the video, FYI), I'd probably be the one second in from the left, with the ill fitting pants and the vest that is a little bit tighter than everyone else's. Although, he does bust it out just after the 3:00 minute mark, when they pull the rubberbands out of their vest pockets.
Good times.
So what reminded me , once again, of my ineptitude on the dance floor was at my daughter's dance open house this past Saturday. The parents show up...watch the kids do the warm ups and some routines...they show us a performance they've been working on, then we all go home...oh, except sometimes the teacher gets the parents on to the floor to do some improvisation with the kiddos. Sometimes. This time I thought I was safe because my little swan attends another class (with the same teacher) earlier in the week and at that open house there was no parent dance. So I was safe.
Right?
Wrong!
So...It's not that I worry about the dancing (remember the whole stress angle in the armed robbery story)...I just know I suck. What makes it worse is I have to suck in front of my daughter, who is a good enough dancer to know what's good and what's not. Remember, I'm not.
Time to take the floor...and I bust out my best move. Unfortunately my best move is similar to the Elaine Benes "thumbs out, kick and jerk" move. If you need the visual, here it is...
Oh, and the beauty of this is that her teacher would occasionally stop the music, meaning you froze when the music stopped.
Awkward.
So, I'm up doing my thing, with my daughter, blocking everyone else out of the room, except for the two of us. That actually is the frame of mind I get into everytime I dance...sort of the turtle in the shell, ostrich with his head in the sand technique. "If I can't see them, they can't see me."
Then it hits me. My daughter doesn't care. She smiling, she's moving, she's spinning around...asking me to pick her up, to swing her around. She's reveling in my ineptitude. She's happy that I'm up there with her, not embarrassed by my Herman Munster ginourmous two left feet (Although I don't really have two left feet, I do have incredibly LARGE feet...size 13 or 14, depending on the shoe). She's not embarrassed now...at least not yet, that will come when she's a teenager, and she will be mortified by far more trivial things I do "to her" than dancing in an ill fashioned way. For now,she's just glad that her Dad is sharing with her something that she loves...and that's good enough for me.
She made me feel safe. She made me feel secure. I don't know if she knew, if she did she's brilliant, but either way, she did. Because of her I'm not Elaine dancing to Earth Wind and Fire, I'm Leo Sayer in Long Tall Glasses (note the title of this blog - the first line of this song), although with my shirt buttoned and no gold chain.
So, the moral of this story is a quote from Dr. Seuss...
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind
First, from the (in)famous Mad Dogs and Englishmen tour - Joe Cocker with Leon Russell as his band leader
Nobody writes letters anymore. I'm not even sure if people remember how. So for those of you afraid to fess' up I'm going to outline the proper way to write an informal letter.
The sample letter is pulled from a website called awkward family photos. Check it out sometime...
It does indeed follow all the rules of an informal letter....although the delivery could possibly be worked on.
Anyway...the how too's of letter writing..
First
In the friendly letter format, your address, date, the closing, signature, and printed name are all indented to the right half of the page (how far you indent in is up to you as long as the heading and closing is lined up, use your own discretion and make sure it looks presentable). Also the first line of each paragraph is indented.
Your Address
All that is needed is your street address on the first line and the city, state and zip on the second line. (Not needed if the letter is printed on paper with a letterhead already on it.) Date
Put the date on which the letter was written in the format Month Day Year e.g. August 30, 2003. Skip a line between the date and the salutation.
300 Uptight Avenue Chillpill, ME 01234 November 2, 2011 Salutation Usually starts out with Dear so and so, or Hi so and so. Note: There is a comma after the end of the salutation (you can use an exclamation point also if there is a need for some emphasis). Dear Thanksgiving guests, Body The body is where you write the content of the letter; the paragraphs should be single spaced with a skipped line between each paragraph. Skip 2 lines between the end of the body and the closing. (This is where it gets fun)
As you all know a fabulous Thanksgiving Dinner does not make itself. I need to ask each of you to help by bringing something to complete the meal. I truly appreciate your offers to assist with the meal preparation.
Now, while I do have quite a sense of humor and joke around all the time, I COULD NOT BE MORE SERIOUS when I am providing you with your Thanksgiving instructions and orders. I am very particular, so please perform your task EXACTLY as I have requested and read your portion very carefully. If I ask you to bring your offering in a container that has a lid, bring your offering in a container WITH A LID, NOT ALUMINUM FOIL! If I ask you to bring a serving spoon for your dish, BRING A SERVING SPOON, NOT A SOUP SPOON! And please do not forget anything.
All food that is to be cooked should already be prepared, bring it hot and ready to serve, warm or room temp. These are your ONLY THREE options. Anything meant to be served cold should, of course, already be cold.
The Mike Byron Family
1. Turnips in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. Please do not fill the casserole all the way up to the top, it gets too messy. I know this may come as a bit of a surprise to you, but most of us hate turnips so don’t feel like you a have to feed an army. 2. Two half gallons of ice cream, one must be VANILLA, I don’t care what the other one is. No store brands please. I did see an ad this morning for Hagan Daz Peppermint Bark Ice Cream, yum!! (no pressure here, though). 3. Toppings for the ice cream. 4. A case of bottled water, NOT gallons, any brand is ok.
The Bob Byron Family
1. Green beans or asparagus (not both) in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. If you are making the green beans, please prepare FOUR pounds, if you are making asparagus please prepare FIVE pounds. It is up to you how you wish to prepare them, no soupy sauces, no cheese (you know how Mike is), a light sprinkling of toasted nuts, or pancetta, or some EVOO would be a nice way to jazz them up. 2. A case of beer of your choice (I have Coors Light and Corona) or a bottle of clos du bois chardonnay (you will have to let me know which you will bring prior to 11/22).
The Lisa Byron Chesterford Family
1. Lisa as a married woman you are now required to contribute at the adult level. You can bring an hors d’ouvres. A few helpful hints/suggestions. Keep it very light, and non-filling, NO COCKTAIL SAUCE, no beans of any kind. I think your best bet would be a platter of fresh veggies and dip. Not a huge platter mind you (i.e., not the plastic platter from the supermarket).
The Michelle Bobble Family
1. Stuffing in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please make the stuffing sans meat. 2. 2.5-3 qts. of mashed squash in a casserole with a lid and serving spoon 3. Proscuitto pin wheel – please stick to the recipe, no need to bring a plate. 4. A pie knife
The June Davis Family
1. 15 LBS of mashed potatoes in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please do not use the over-size blue serving dish you used last year. Because you are making such a large batch you can do one of two things: put half the mash in a regulation size casserole with lid and put the other half in a plastic container and we can just replenish with that or use two regulation size casserole dishes with lids. Only one serving spoon is needed. 2. A bottle of clos du bois chardonnay
The Amy Misto Family (why do I even bother she will never read this)
1. A pumpkin pie in a pie dish (please use my silver palate recipe) no knife needed. 2. An apple pie in a pie dish, you can use your own recipe, no knife needed.
Looking forward to the 28th!!
Closing
Let's the reader know that you are finished with your letter; usually ends with Sincerely, Sincerely yours, Thank you, and so on. Note that there is a comma after the end of the closing and only the first word in the closing is capitalized.
Sincerely,
Signature Your signature will go in this section, usually signed in black or blue ink with a pen. Skip a line after your signature and the P.S.
Marnie
So, that's the ins and outs of writing an informal letter.
Then you have to mail it.... Address your envelope. Your address should be written on the front of the envelope in the upper left hand corner or on the back. The recipient's address must be on the front of the envelope, right in the middle. Carefully fold your letter into thirds with the top part of the letter slightly longer than the other two sections. This allows the letter to be opened with ease. Use your envelope as a folding guide by tucking the letter under the flap and folding upward from the bottom of the letter to the line of the envelope. The writing of your letter should be on the inside of your folding so that the page appears blank as they pull it out of the envelope, only to reveal your lovely letter when they unfold it. Be sure to choose both paper and envelopes that are of similar dimensions. Put your letter in the envelope, with the longest edge upward, then seal it, stamp it, and send it off. Sounds easy enough, doesn't it? So, let's all go out and write a letter to a friend, give someone a surprise, and keep the postal department in business. ....and let's hope nobody gets a letter from Marnie this year.
...two nights before Halloween and it's snowing. Now that's truly frightening. Good timing for a list of things that have scared me (apparently I enjoy lists...seems to be a common theme through these blogs). This probably goes back to my voracious reading of the Book of Lists that I got as a thirteen year old for the Christmas of 1977.
First, in the Halloween spirit - Hocus Pocus by Focus
Now that is yodeling at it's best...Anna loves that one.
So things that scared me...and , let me add, I don't like to be scared. Not really my thing.
Anyone remember those cheesy documentaries from the 70's that covered things like the Bermuda Triangle, the Loch Ness Monster, and UFO's? Well, the one that got me was "Sasquatch: The Legend of Bigfoot". That was the one that showed the famous footage of Bigfoot walking along this riverbank, then he actually turned and looked back at the person filming him. Are you kidding me?! He saw the guy filming him! How the hell did that guy get out of there alive? But the scariest clip was a scene that showed someone sitting next to a window when ALL OF A SUDDEN, this big hairy arm reaches in through the window. Holy crap! I could not sit next to a window at night that entire Summer. I still remember that scene now. Hang on while I move to the middle of the room....
The Thing at the Foot of the Bed
Out of the thousands of books I checked out at the library as a kid, this is the one I remember the most. The book was divided into six sections - Funny Ones, Scary Ones, Real Ones, Ghost Games, Witch Stories, and Do's and Don't about Ghosts.
Here are some of the Do's and Dont's
I still remember doing the one looking between the ears of my dog, Duke. Apparently pets can see ghosts. I can say that I can't recall ever seeing any myself though....must have been doing something wrong.
Don't know if this book is even in print anymore, but if it is, and you have kids, get to your local library and check it out.
The movie Halloween. I could barely watch this the first time, with a bunch of my friends at Danny Browns house. Danny lived directly across the street from me growing up. I don't know how I mustered up the courage to run across the street after watching this movie at his house. Holy cow did that scare me...that music...chills up my spine. That mask that Michael Myers wore. Creepy. I remember that scene where he stabs someone (into a wall I think) then he sort of tilts his head to look at him.
Here is is, 12 seconds in....I'm not going to watch it myself, if you don't mind..it still creeps me out too much
All of those Peanuts specials. Yeah they seem innocent enough, but haven't you noticed? There are no adults ! Charlie Brown, Lucy, Linus and the rest of them are the original Children of the Corn. Those diabolical little bastards! I'm not sure how they did it...maybe Linus' blanket played a role...Pig Pen's toxic dust cloud...maybe Frieda's "naturally" curly hair wasn't so natural after all, those curling chemicals can be as lethal as agent orange...possibly Snoopy's Sopwith Camel strafed the city. I don't know, I just don't like it.
Spiders. Say no more.
Let's leave it at five, good for you? Good for me.
"Hold on man, we don't go anywhere with "scary", "spooky", "haunted", or "forbidden" in the title". Shaggy (from Scooby Doo)
The moon conjures up mystery and romanticism...melancholy and hope...humor and longing.
It's spooky..it's pretty....it's full and it's new.
It waxes and wanes. Crescent and Gibbous.
It inspires religions...sciences...books...movies...poetry...art...and music, lot's of music.
Let's talk about some of these things (but probably not the religion aspect...just like in conversation, I'll rarely write about religion or politics)
The moon plays a big part in one of my all time favorite movies, "An American Werewolf in London". Loved the premise of this...the plot...the setting..the black humor..the soundtrack. I went to see this with an old friend (sorry, here comes the death part again), Dawn Leighton. Dawn was a good friend that I knew in high school, although we went to different schools and lived in different towns, we worked together. Dawn is no longer with us. Here is an article about Dawn..
That movie reminds me of Dawn, and I guess in a way, the moon reminds me of Dawn.
There's dozens songs about the moon that I love. They all bring me back to a time or a place with fond memories. The first I'll add the video (because I'm all about the video) and add my two cents...the rest, I'll just list.
Moondance - Van the Man
This song, this whole album, introduced me to Van Morrison. This was back in the day when discovering music was just that...discovering music. This was well before computers, google, itunes, and the ipad. You bought the album, you scoured the lyrics (if you were lucky enough to have them included with the album -usually on the sleeve), you got a clip here and there, read reviews in Rolling Stone, saw concert clips, read biographies. Although I was familiar with Van Morrison - I remember seeing him in The Last Waltz, which I saw at the Portland Twin Drive in - which coincidently, was located in Scarborough, not Portland , and the version of Caravan that he performed was , and still is, one of the best live performances I've ever seen (and is probably the clip I should have shown, but sort of off the subject of the moon now, isn't it?), but that movie hooked me on The Band, not Van at that point.
I digress.
This album was my gateway to all things Van which I bought then listened to voraciously...especially the five albums he released from '68 to the early 70's. Astral Weeks, Moondance, His Band and the Street Choir, Tupelo Honey, and Saint Dominic's Preview...don't get much better than that. If you're not familiar, do yourself a favor and get familiar.
...So my memory was listening to this song on a walkman (yes a walkman...anyone under the age of thirty will have to ask their Mom or Dad what a walkman was) during a late night walk back from the other side of town. I was almost home...walking up Rhode Island Avenue...huge sky full of stars...October...last leaves fluttering in the trees and pushing the dead leaves that had accumulated in the street with each step, when the lyrics hit me...
"with the stars up above in your eyes
a fantabulous night to make romance
'neath the cover of October skies.
And all the leaves on the trees are falling
to the sound of the breezes that blow"
..and I thought, "This is perfect, I will never forget this moment, never forget how I feel right now"
And I haven't.
and besides, "fantabulous?"...cut it out.
Ain't music great?
Back on track Wildes, back on track...
So, I've decided to skip the art, and books and poetry and science aspects of what this blog started out as...but I will list a couple of other songs (but not the thousands that exist) that make me think of the moon and love, life, melancholy and the infinite sadness.
Some only have moon references, not necessarily in the title, but the reference is memorable (see the title of this blog). Most you probably know, if you don't google or youtube them, even if you do, take a minute to reacquaint yourself with some of these gems. Who knows, if you discover something, maybe this blog will be your everlasting memory of that song.
Moonshadow - Cat Stevens..."Yes I'm being followed by a moonshadow..."
Walking on the Moon - The Police..."Giant steps are what you take..."
Romeo's Tune - Steve Forbert (see the title of this blog)
Tom Waits has a few - Grapefruit Moon...I'll Shoot the Moon...Drunk on the Moon...Midnight Lullaby...and my favorite, New Coat of Paint..."We'll laugh at that old bloodshot moon in the burgundy sky"
Moonlight Drive - The Doors...."Let's swim to the moon..."
Bad Moon Rising - Creedence Clearwater Revival..."Don't go round tonight..."
Moonlight Mile - Rolling Stones..."Oh I'm sleeping under strange strange skies..."
There's a Moon in the Sky (Called the Moon) - B-52's..."If you're in outer space, don't feel out of place..."
Harvest Moon - Neil Young..."Because I'm still in love with you..."
Here Comes the Moon - George Harrison. Really.
Clair De Lune (Moonlight) - Debussy. Absolutely one of the best melodies ever written
Pink Moon - Nick Drake..."I saw it written and I saw it say, pink moon is on it's way..."
Dancing in the Moonlight - King Harvest. One hit wonder, but it's a good one.
Dark Side of the Moon - Pink Floyd. C'mon.
Buffalo Girls - Jimmy Stewart in It's a Wonderful Life..."Buffalo girls won't you come out tonight and dance by the light of the moon.."
...and a million more.
One last thing.
good night stars
goodnight air
goodnight noises everywhere
Oh yeah....
"I just locked the safe and I don't know the combination".
So I turn around and reposition myself so that everyone is still comfortable with me staring directly down the barrel of that damn gun
and I say to my new friend, "Sorry (still polite), we just locked the safe and NO ONE (I emphasized no one, like there was ANYONE but me) has the combination to open it".
So Genius says, "Excuse me?" (see now even he decides to be polite...you catch more bees with honey than you do with vinegar, right?). Since I just repeated myself he apparently felt like he had to as well (obviously low self esteem issues)...YOU NEED TO GIVE ME ALL THE MONEY IN THE STORE (note the caps on every word now).
Since we seem to be playing anything you can say I can say better, my response is, "Sorry, I can't open the safe"...even I'm feeling a little embarrassed by the lack of rapport the two of us seem to have.
Genius didn't like this...and this is where it gets good.
Genius decides he no longer likes the service desk being between us so he decides to climb over it to get a little closer to me...me being a likable guy and all. Now don't forget the total picture here. Skinny guy, all dressed in black, wearing a full face mask, with a gun in his hand, climbing over the counter of a service desk ...why?...to get his gun a little bit closer to me because, obviously, he thinks I'm lying about the safe situation.
(This , by the way, would have been the perfect time for Bill (or whatever that bagger's name was) to maybe give him a little ooomph when he has climbing over that counter...sending Genius ass over tea kettle, but then again, I don't think he would have successfully have been able to finish peeing his pants if he had...because he had to have been doing something like that or I would have at least remembered his presence throughout this entire episode, which, coincidently, I do not).
Alright, now genius is next to me inside the service desk. He tells me to turn around. "Turn around", he says.
I do.
He puts the gun against the back of my head. I can feel it, Right at the point where the back of your skull ends and your neck begins. Go ahead, take your hand (right or left, makes no difference) and feel that spot I'm talking about.
Got it?
Now, with the muzzle of the gun touching the back of my head he tells me to "put your hands up". Really? "Put your hands up"? Everybody knows "putting your hands up" is the first thing you are supposed to say when initiating a robbery. Amateur. I actually think that when he tells me to do this.
So I put my hands up.
This is what he says and does..."GIVE ME ALL THE MONEY IN THE STORE", but with an added twist this time. Genius punctuates each word by pressing the gun into my skull (or neck, or whatever that part of your body that technically is) with every word he said.
Nice.
So I clear my throat and say, in the calmest, evenest tone I can muster, "I really can't do that. Nobody here can open the safe after it's been locked. Believe me, if I could I would, but I can't". I said it just like you would tell someone that you forgot to grab them that cup of coffee they asked you for...just like that. Then I added for good measure, "You can take my wallet out of my back pocket and take anything I have in there". This was an offer that he opted not to take me up on, which is probably a good thing, because except for my license, a library card, and probably a note I had written myself as a reminder of something I needed to do, I'm sure there was nothing else in there. If he had taken my wallet, that is probably what would have gotten me shot.
Now let me tell you something. If you think you've got pressure in your life or at work...have to make an important presentation at work...have an unpleasant meeting with your boss...have a deadline you have to hit...all that is nothing. Having a gun pressed up against the back of your head and telling the person on the other end of that gun exactly what he does not want to hear is pressure. But that's what I did.
...and somehow, after telling him to reach in my pocket to get my wallet, I had a sense of calm come over me. Somehow I now felt I was in control, not that skinny little runt hiding behind a mask and gun. I also had a revelation. I'm sure Genius and his getaway driver waiting out in the parking lot (at least that what I had envisioned...I never really found out for sure if he had an accomplice) had worked out an ingenious plan that went something like this...
Be at the door when they are closing the store
Get to the place they keep the money
Demand the money
Get the money
Run out of the store
Total time , maybe 90 seconds
Spend the money on candy and comic books
So in my mind, I'm thinking Genius has been in the store about five minutes and things were not going to plan (actually not going to the plan I had devised on the spot) and I thought he was getting a little antsy.
He was.
He told me to "Get on the floor". No way in hell was I getting on the floor. No effing way am I getting on that floor, I think to myself. I get on the floor and he shoots me, I also think to myself.
So with him behind me and the gun still pressed against my head I say to him, "I'm not going to get on the floor" and that was it. I wasn't.
Genius is rattled now. "I said get on the floor"...and although the gun was still on me, I don't remember feeling the emphasis of him pressing it into my skull with each word.
"I'm not doing that".
Now the bastard, I mean Genius, really does not know what to do. Things had clearly not gone as planned. Now he was scared and I could hear it in his voice.
The gun comes off of my head and this is what he says, actually sort of announces, because let's not forget Tori was behind the short glass wall and Bill was standing in a puddle on the outside of the service desk (although for the last few minutes , for me, it was just me and genius), "Nobody moves for five minutes and you won't get hurt". Really, that's the best you got? Christ, you better go back and watch some of those gangster movies for the forties or fifties again and get some better lines.
And with that he bounds over the service desk, takes a quick turn to the right , and sprints out the front door. I watched him, he was gone.
He was gone for less than a minute and a half when Westbrook's finest come barreling in through the front door, guns drawn. Turns out Mickey (do you remember Mickey?) saw Genius walking across the front end after she had handed me her till, bolted up the stairs just to the left of the service desk. grabbed a phone, hid under a desk, and called the police to tell them the store was being robbed. I do not think she peed her pants.
If he had just been in the store for 60 seconds more, who knows what would have happened? Personally I'm glad I didn't have to find out. The outcome would not have been the same. May not have been as pleasant.
After about ninety seconds of them realizing that none of us were the bad guy, they tried to find Genius outside. This is where the store being near the old exit 8 comes in to play (I told you it would). He was literally 30 seconds to the turnpike and had the choice of going either north or south for his escape route. That was the smartest thing he did all night, well, that and not shooting me. He was gone, never to be seen again.
So there were lot's of other details to tell...me calling home to tell my family about what had happened...staying at the store for hours going over every detail with the police...me working the very next night, closing the store again (which to me is a very relevant point...I was at the tipping point of letting this scar me for life, or facing my fears head on and putting it behind me..I chose the latter), going to some therapy sessions with my comrades and on and on and on.
So, next time you see me, think of my calm demeanor and how it saved my life.
...and know I'm one tough son of a bitch that stared down the barrel of a gun and lived to tell about it.
I'm sure no one remembers this but a few posts back I left you with a teaser....something about what would you do in a life or death situation...then I was told by my number one fan (no, not me) that I write about death too much...well, that was a couple of weeks ago, so now's the time to revisit that post.
But first....a semi autobiographical clip
Back to the story. I was once faced with a life or death situation, and unknowingly the decision I made was the right one (right in the sense of staying alive so that I could go on to marry a wonderful woman, have a beautiful daughter, see my oldest daughter blossom into a successful young lady, move to a wonderful neighborhood, etc etc etc, kind of right).
First a little background. The names I'll use will all be fictitious...I'm still in peripheral contact with a few of the people involved and I'm not so sure they'd appreciate being called out. I will refer to myself as Pete (no explanation needed there, is there?) and I might be obtuse about some of other points, but everything you are about to read is the God's honest truth. Now sit back and enjoy the story.
Year was early 90's (Maybe even 90 or 91...believe it or not this is one of those things I said I would be "obtuse" about...either way THE DATE IS NOT IMPORTANT PEOPLE, so give it a rest). Pete was a Produce manager for a local supermarket chain (for most of you, you'll know which one...for the rest of you, take a guess) and was working in a store that has since relocated, but is still in the same town...alright, it was Westbrook. The store used to be just off of the old exit 8. This is an important point and will be mentioned later in this story.
So, part of my "development" was to "learn how to run the store", and the way I was to "learn how to run the store" was to occasionally work as the Closing Manager. The Closing Manager's job is just what the title implies, to be in charge of the store during the closing hours after the store manager has left for the day. So after a little training, I was deemed ready to act as the Closing Manager on a rotating basis. Looking back on it, I don't recall the Deli...or Bakery...or Seafood...or Meat Managers being part of this closing "rotation"...twenty plus years later I think I've finally come to the conclusion that it wasn't because I was smarter than all of them. I now realize it was that they were (by far) smarter than me. Such is life.
...and I think this took place sometime around this time of the year, not that it really matters, but I just thought of it.
On with the story...
So, it's 11:00 PM. There are associates out in the back room of the store unloading the Grocery truck. I'm in the Service desk. The service desk was a decent walk to the front doors at the old Westbrook store...most of the way across the front end. Just beyond the service desk is a door leading to a flight of stairs going up to the managers offices, the break room, associate lockers, etc. There's a cashier just handing in her till for the night (I'll call her Mickey). There's another person working in the cash office which is directly in from the cash office, separated only by a counter top and a partial glass wall. This person I'll call Tori. The last poor soul was a the lone bagger working until 11:00, I'll call him Bill (believe it or not, I've completely forgotten who this bagger was, although he played a key role in the evening's events...he actually could be named Bill, though I doubt it, either way, I'm going with Bill).
I send Bill across the front end to lock the front doors. We're closed
"Bill, can you go lock the doors?", I say in my most professional "Closing Managers" tone of voice.
"Sure thing Pete" Bill says to me (remember , I'm Pete). We're obviously on a first name basis.
I take the till of money from Mickey, turn around, take two steps (behind those service desks are both long and narrow) put the till on the back counter and hand the till to Tory, who begins to tally the money before locking all the cash away in the safe for the evening.
"Thanks, Pete" "You're welcome Tori" We really were that polite...seeing as how it was quitting time, we were all tired, so why not be nice to the people you've been slugging it out with all night (for any of you that have ever worked retail, you'll understand that slugging it out comment).
I turn around again so I'm facing out towards the store now and I've noticed that Mickey has quickly zipped up the stairs to the offices, break room, etc. I didn't think much of it, but in less than a minute I would know why.
So, I'm standing in the service desk, Tory is in the cash office, and Bill comes walking up to the service desk after being dispatched to lock the front doors.
But, Bill's not alone.
Bill has someone with him.
This someone is wearing black gloves (not so odd, because like I said, I think this was in October), and a black jacket (once again not odd, but the black on black look wasn't really doing it for him, although, looking back on it, I guess what they say about black being "slimming" is true, he did look fairly slim), but what was odd was the black mask that Bill's "friend" had on. Actually it wasn't really a mask. it was a black hat, the kind that has two holes cut out for the eyes and mouth, and maybe the nose - the nose part isn't really a key element to this story.
I think you get the picture...and if you don't...
Now do you?
Back to the story.
Bill says to me, "Pete, this guy needs to tell you something" Again, note the politeness.
So, none of this making any sense to me...kind of (kind of?) surreal...I understand what's happening, or is this really happening? Is someone playing a joke on me? Is it a bad (very bad) early Halloween prank being played on me? Is what I think is happening, really happening? But mostly, what the f*@# is happening?
Then the genius in the black mask speaks up...I'll refer to him as the genius, which in case we're not clear here, I'm being facetious calling him genius. What I really think of him is somewhat less than genius, somewhat less than normal, somewhat less than human.
Genius says, from just across the service desk counter, "You need to give me all the money you have in the store." Which was not in the polite fashion that we had thus far been conducting ourselves in. Not polite at all.
Pete says, "Excuse me?" (note the politeness still)
Genius says, "You need to give me ALL THE MONEY IN THE STORE"...the caps are meant to convey the sense of urgency that he was trying to impart to me (oh, and one other thing here, which is a pretty relevant point. Genius then takes out a gun. Now I'm not a gun guy, but it do know it was one of those guns that if someone shoots you with it, you die kind of guns).
He points this gun directly at me. Keep in mind he's standing about six inches from the edge of the service desk...the counter of the service desk is about 18 inches wide...probably a six inch divide.. then there's 18 inches of counter on the inside, my side, of the service desk...genius' arm is what, three feet long...gun is probably six inches long...a little quick math here...end result is, the gun is about six inches from the tip of my nose.
This what I say and do, literally.
I hold up my arm, extend my index finger, and I say, "Just a sec." Really ...gun six inches from my face and my response is, "Just a sec"?
Pete turns his back on the genius with the gun (maybe not the best idea) and says to Tori, "Tori, you need to give me all the money you have back there".
Tori, oblivious to what is happening six feet from her, not questioning my request, not even looking up from whatever it was that had her so absorbed, replies, "I just locked the safe and I don't have the combination".
That sentence I remember explicitly...."I just locked the safe and I don't have the combination"..so nonchalant, so casual, so not knowing that those words might be some of the last that Pete ever hears.
Compare these two videos. Notice any difference between them? Same song, "slightly" different presentation.
and now for something completely different...
Is one better than the other or are they just "different"? I know what Uncle Jeff would say, but I know a few folks that would lean the other way. It's not just in the approach, but also the audience. Different strokes for different folks.
Or sometimes are things just bad?
Who defines what's good and what isn't? What's cool and what's not ? (I was going to say lame, but I didn't think that would be cool). One man's trash is another man's treasure. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What's in and what's out? ...and on and on and on...It truly does come down to your own personal view, doesn't it? Or does it?
Once you realize that everyone has the right to their own opinion and being comfortable enough with yours to listen to theirs, everything gets a little easier. You're liberated to speak up...to take a chance....to write a blog...to enjoy the music YOU like...to watch a movie that You enjoy..to read a book that YOU want to read...to be yourself.
But it's not always that way , is it? You still catch yourself wanting to be with the "popular" people. You still worry about how you're perceived....what you wear...what you say....we're still that kid in middle school that wants to fit in. You want to be cool.
And so it goes.
I'll leave you with this.
Roses are red, mustaches are toaster, this poem makes no sense, pencils.
