Vera, Chuck, and Dave

C'mon, you know Vera, Chuck, and Dave...don't you?
They're the grandchildren on your knee from "When I'm 64"
Oh, and if you remember, it was actually "Chook" and not "Chuck"

Pretty talented kid, ain't she?

To set the scene...it's an overcast Sunday morning as I start this road to nowhere post. Cup of coffee to my left, old portable radio at my feet playing the American top 40 from this week in 1974, lovely wife still snoozing, and youngest daughter at her 23rd sleepover of the Summer.

Just me, Casey Kasem and the cat. This has rambling post written all over it...

Wait a minute, that's not Casey Kasem.

I can hear the foghorns from three different lighthouses outside...

"That's a joke, I say that's a joke son" - said as Foghorn Leghorn would.

Actually these are the culprits..

  

I think I hear a cowbell out there too.

What a cow is doing in the Atlantic Ocean, I do not know.

...just heard "Keep on Smiling" from Wet Willie (number 19!). Now that's a blast from the past.

I've missed a few gems too..

Billy Don't Be a Hero...now that's a 70's pop classic. Doesn't sound the same when not listened to a radio that looks like this though.

or this...

or even this...

Yes, I admit, I owned each of those as a kid. That one in the middle was actually a wrist radio. Unfortunately it weighed about five pounds. Whenever I wore it my bike would always pull to the left.

Reception was horrible on these...and I believe they only had AM reception (you kids might have to google that reference), but it was perfect for that era. The Night Chicago Died (number 14!) never sounded better than when heard on one of these relics. Which is different than sounding good, of course.

Oh Jesus...Rock the Boat (number 8!)

Brings me back to the Plymouth Volare wagon

That's how we rolled back then. Appreciate the faux wood paneling. Classy.

Oh my...Rock n Roll Heaven - The Righteous Brothers (number 3!)

and I was going to just comment about what was so righteous about these "brothers", but they sure do look righteous here.

"If you believe in forever, then life is just a one night stand"

That's heavy man.

According to the lyrics the hell of a band consisted of

Jimi Hendrix

Janis Joplin

Jim Morrison

Otis Redding

Jim Croce

and Bobby Darin.

so who played drums?

and why wasn't Mama Cass in the band?

Hey number 1!

Annie's Song.

I'm down with that.

Pleasant little tune.

This is when John Denver was everywhere, every talk show...variety show...heavy radio rotation. Seems like it wasn't until he started to hang around with God that he started to lose his luster.

Coffee's getting cold and I gots to get in the shower.

That was some decent time I spent with Casey

..and remember

Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars.

Peace and love

Why must you mock me so?

I'm speaking of music...and where it can take you

The Little River Band.
They're following me.

Not exactly in the upper echelon of Rock Gods.
1. Beatles
2. Stones
3. Little River Band

...not quite.

I don't know anyone whose favorite band is LRB (using initials going forward).
I don't know anyone that owns a LRB album...or cassette..or CD..or has ever downloaded a song by them.

Yet they torment me.

The song that was playing on my alarm this morning was this....

Lady.

It had just started and I only heard the first couple of lines...
"Look around you, look up here
Take time to make time
Make time to be there"

Then I shut the alarm off, pulled myself out of bed and commenced to the bathroom (promise not to get graphic).




In my grogginess I found myself subconciously reaching for the rest of the lyrics to that song. 15 seconds later as I was standing there (don't make me paint the picture any more than that), and I caught myself running through the rest of the lyrics.

"A long time ago
I had a lady to love
She made me think of things
I never thought of
Now she's gone and I'm on my own
A love song has come into my mind
A love song
It was there all the time"

and then it really kicked in....or should I say I kicked in.

I thought to myself "Why"? "Why do I know these words"? "How can I know these words"? "Should I tell anyone I know these words"?...and more importantly,  "What day is it"? (Roughly in that order).

It dawned on me that this wasn't the only LRB song that I had recently heard.

There was "Lonesome Loser" the other day.
I won't bother with the lyrics because I know you're already singing them in your head.


Before that I came across "Reminiscing" and it got me to thinking that I do an awful lot of that.

A day or two before that was "Cool Change" and I even thought to myself, "That's not too bad"...and it wasn't. It's got all of these images about sailing (which I don't do) and overall extremely syrupy sweet lyrics, but I do like the use of the words "It's time for a cool change".

Not all that surprising, unfortunately.

Speaking of reminiscing, that brings me back to this...

Scene:
Outside on the lawn of a corporate office with about twenty other coworkers
Purpose:
"Team building exercise"
Mission:
Build trust by telling the group something about you that no one in the group knows.

So we go round the circle.
It gets to me.
I unleash this corker.

"I know every word to every song in the movie Grease"


Well, I did. I might still.

What I didn't mention was I also knew every word to every song on the White Album...or Joe's Garage....or Dark Side of the Moon..or , I don't know, even Pet Sounds.

But everyone probably already knew that.

...which leads me here...

This whole next paragraph is going to be in parentheses, because I feel my use of parentheses is sort of like my pulling you aside and whispering in your ear. At least that how I picture it.

(Speaking of songs from Grease has anyone caught the horrendous use of the Grease song "Summer Nights" to promote Nissan's new Summer Savings Event(!!!). I've never been a fan of pulling a rock or pop song into a commercial but the liberties taken with this one are atrocious. Actually the twisted lyrics only last about fifteen seconds, but it is the most excrutiatingly painful 15 seconds anyone can endure. It's the commercial equivalent to waterboarding. What's worse is the faux fun everyone appears to be having at the dealership. It's like an Osmond family variety show skit gone horribly wrong in so many ways. It makes me curse out loud. I threw the television off the roof of my house the last time it came on. It was worth it. The next time I see it I might do something really drastic.)

That being said here it is. I'll leave the room while it plays. I can't afford to stuff my computer into the garbage disposal.

Enjoy.

Jesus, even the frozen fame just made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

Where was I?

Oh, what I was going to add to the brief conversation I had with myself standing in front of the toilet was the thought "How did I get here?"

Which briefly interupted my LRB joyfest in front of the toilet with Talking Heads "Once in a Lifetime"

I'll leave you with this...Turn this one up!

There's that's more like it.

Same as it ever was.

What, me worry?

Warning - anyone under thirty should just stop reading now....none of what follows will make any sense to you at all.

An old friend of mine


Raise your hand if you know who he is.

...and no, it's not the 43rd President of the United States, although I can see the confusion


I don't don't recall why, but I was in the midst of a comic book conversation the other day, (I know what you're thinking, "I'd really like to hang with that guy") and it got me to reminiscing...again.
It got me thinking about things like...

Prehistoric snap models
Here's an ad from a comic book



That's right. 1972's number one hobby kit. That would have put me in 2nd grade. I obviously wasn't ready for "real" models. By real I mean models with tiny pieces to lose, and took more than 20 minutes to build, and glue was involved, and actually challenged you. I wasn't having any of that. This "non handy" kids model was a perfect fit for me.

Oh, and don't forget the dinosaur angle. Dinosaurs were the bomb back in the pre Star Wars days.

If I remember correctly these models could be all grouped together because their bases interlocked, I think. I'm sure I didn't do that though. Too much commitment.

The sabre tooth tiger model was my favorite. I think it came with different sets of front legs so you could pose your tiger in whatever position was most pleasing to you.That and the one with the rhino looking beast (the rhinocersaurus?) that was trapped in the Tar Pits with a vulturish bird (the vulturdactyl?) looking on in anticipation. Please notice the torn off animal leg and the freshly ripped flesh. Solid.

 

I know what you're all thinking. You wish you knew me when I was eight years old.

Then there were the things that I don't think I actually ever owned, or possibly even that no one ever owned, but made you wonder...

For instance

Ten day free trial. In case you thought you wasted your dollar. I like the coffin shaped cut out that you had to fill out. Nice touch.

...and what kid didn't want their own monkey?



You couldn't even buy that suit he's wearing for $18.95. He fit in your hand for crying out loud. I wonder how they mailed it to you? Who even paid attention to the seahorse ad ? Kind of blase' compared to a suit wearing, palm sitting monkey, don't you think?

How about...


You're a Spaceman! Actually you're five minutes away from the emergency room. The earlier name of broken ankle appendages wasn't as catchy.

This pixilated image of the kid looks a lot like me at that age. A lot.


Funny, I don't remember that photo shoot...or ever holding a racoon. Could explain that episode of rabies that I vaguely remember being stricken with. Who knew that racoons were and always will be, America's favorite pet? I thought Sea Monkeys were.

I don't see any danger with this one, do you?


Do you think it actually went under water?...or did the fact that it was made out of cardboard nullify that option? I wonder if this has been decomissioned by now?

Then there were those ads where you would sell things like cards, or seeds, or drugs (just to see if you're paying attention) and you would win great prizes, or better yet, money.


How many kids opted out of this because they could only answer yes to three out of the four questions?

And I'll leave you with this..


Perhaps the fact that the Flash had Hostess fruit pies in his repertoire is what might have kept him from the upper echelon of super heroes
...but he was still my favorite.

One last thing. This was written whilst wearing x-ray specs. Those were the real McCoy.

So what were crunchberries anyway?

Random....

Anyone else remember these?





The box described them as imitation berries. I've been in the Produce business for a long time and I've never seen an imitation berry tree...or maybe it's a bush..or a vine. Although I'm sure I had a crunch berry or two back in the day, I've got no remembrance of what they tasted like...at all. Anyone still have a box in the back of their cupboard that's been overlooked since the 70's?...probably taste the same as they would have 40 years ago.

How about this?



The vitamin powered sugary cereal. How many Guiding Stars would Hannaford rate this with, negative 2? I'm sure I made my Mom buy this for the free matchbox car that came inside. Now that was a free toy.

One more...and since we're in the Q's...



 Apparently Quisp was a quazy energy cereal.
...and the cosmic clouder that you could send away for looks like a fart gun. Whatever that is. I think I possibly just invented it.

Here's a Quisp and Quake combo commercial from the seventies...

I think I liked them because the reminded me of the Rocky and Bullwinkle cartoons.
And not just those two...Boris Badenov and Natasha, oh, and don't forget Fearless Leader....Dudley Doo Right and Snidely Whiplash...Mr. Peabody and his boy Sherman...Fractured Fairy Tales. That's some high quality TV you're talking about there son.

Since we're talking about popcorn...random, remember.
I just popped some for my lovely wife and two things came to mind.

one
The container that we keep our popcorn in is an old jug of some brand of popcorn that I'm sure is no longer in production. The top of the container has an expiration date on it of Dec 26, 1998. That makes that container oh, about 14 years old. We must really like that container.

two
I had to melt some butter, so I have this awesome routine of cutting a few slices of stick butter (you can use any brand, but we prefer Kate's 100% pure butter - sea salted...ok watch the royalties pour in on that one), set the microwave for 1 minute...put it on 50% power, then hit go (can you tell I've done this a few times?). Go to the silverware drawer...no knives. Aha, the dishwasher just got done...pull out the knife you use ...and it was literally like a warm knife through butter, because, well, it was a warm knife cutting through butter. How many times does an analogy really apply in real life?

Here's a picture of my popcorn popper...



Looks like a consolation prize from the Let's Make a Deal

Monty Hall: "Alright Pete, do you want to take this wad of bills in my right hand or take a chance for what's under this cardboard box that Carol Merrill is holding ?"

The Audience: "Take the money...take the money...take the money!!!"

Pete: "I think I'll take my chance on the box".



Nobody can say I didn't rock the costume. I went as my 10th grade German teacher.



Getting late...let's go down one more road.

I've been to lot's of outdoor parties, picnics, cookouts etc, this Summer. While they've all been great, the best gathering is going to be the one when someone digs out that cobweb covered box of jarts from the back of the garage...and we play. To the death. That party will kick it.




Looks dangerous, don't they?

For those of you under, say, oh I don't know, maybe 30, let me explain jarts to you.



Picture heavily weighted metal projectiles with a fine steel point on them being tossed about twenty-five feet towards a plastic ring with a circumference of about 2 1/2 feet. Oh, and picture your opponent standing next to that plastic ring (or your team mate and your opponent if you were playing doubles, and you were always playing doubles, because EVERYONE wanted in on a game of jarts). One of the finer points of jarts was to be as nonchalant as possible as that death device was hurtling towards you. Many a sneaker was punctured or pair of shorts was ripped because of your refusal to give an inch as the jart was zeroing in on you. Jarts never ended well because of two things that were also part of every jarts game, and not neccesarily in this order...alcohol and testosterone. Most games of jarts (and by most I mean every) devolved into throwing your  missile intentionaly at your opponent, or even better, your team mate.

This is how you knew when the game was over




Good times my friends. Good times.

Anywho...I think I hear a box of Freakies cereal calling my name from somewhere behind that popcorn container from 1998. I hope there's still that free magnet inside the box.




Peace out.

I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore...

This , my friends, is how it's done

Unfortunately this is how it's usually done

I don't do mad well. I wish I did. This guy did it well. The next scene in the movie is people all over the country opening up the their windows and shouting "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore" because they were mad as hell and they weren't going to take this anymore.

He motivated people when he got mad.

When I get mad I get incoherent and speak like a ten year old...that curses. I curse a lot when I get mad. I lose my trademark calm demeanor.

An old friend once told me that the phrase that best described me was  "still waters run deep".

I always liked that. I liked that it was my description. I liked it better than, oh, I don't know,...something like "a wet blanket" or "fixed in your ways" or some other phrase to not be proud of. But "still waters run deep" obviously doesn't work for anger now does it? Perhaps something like "rough waters" or "danger Will Robinson" or "shark!, shark!"

Someone told me that when I do get angry it's "really effective" (obviously said by someone that didn't want to piss me off) because I hardly ever get mad. I don't buy it. If I was "really effective" when I got mad, I would feel better after I did it. Right? Wouldn't I?

I should feel good, shouldn't I ?

Maybe that's the problem. Not only do I not do mad well, I don't even like to get mad. Why would I? The definition of mad is "disordered in mind". That doesn't sound to good. Another definition is "completely unrestrained by reason and judgement". That's sounds pretty sucky too. If it doesn't make you feel good, then why do it? I usually feel worse after getting mad. Which then leads to an apology. Which kind of ruins the whole mad thing in the first place.

I think some people do mad well. There was that psycho homeroom teacher I had my first year of middle school. He got mad. A lot. I think he was a bit of a sadist. Actually I think he was criminally insane

Maybe his shoes were two sizes too small. Nope, that was the grinch...and even he came around at the end. I don't think this guy ever came around.

So maybe I shouldn't feel bad about not doing a good job at being mad.

It's a lose lose situation, don't you think?

I can't help but be a decent human being.

Let others be mad. If they're mad they probably deserve the feelings that follow.

What goes around comes around.

Do to others as you would have them do to you.

That's the golden rule, right?

...or is it polly wally doodle all the day. I forget.

...and where is the harmony?

Sweet harmony



Put your big toe in the milk of human kindess

Four and a half hour ride to New York today. Seven hours total car time.


This is what I listened to (with captions where warranted, or a select lyric, or a remembrance or whatever mood strikes me)

• 7:00 AM - Say my good byes..a little to early for the "good stuff" so I listen to local radio while I nurse my coffee...sports talk radio, oldies, mostly channel surfing...skipping all commercials and any horrifically scripted "banter" from any of those morning shows. The names are always a sure sign of future lameness to be heard...Dr. Johnny Fever, Venus Fly Trap, Bailey Quarters, oh, wait..nevermind

• 7:45..coffee's done, entering New Hampshire. You thought the Maine dj's were bad...now we're picking on all the "crazy" Boston morning shows. Time to hook up the ipod

This is what ensued....
(most of you will know some of these...some of you will know most of these..a few of you won't have a clue, but that's clearly your probem, not mine). If you don't know a song, please, please, search it out. Consider this my gift of music to you

Oh, and this is verified by my going through the playlists on my ipod that I selected while I'm typing this from room 5** in the Hampton Inn on Wolf Road in Albany NY

Here we go....I'll keep this up until I tire out

• Home At Last - Steely Dan (smart song by a smart band)
• Stitched Up - John Mayer (the only John Mayer song I have on my ipod...unless my youngest somehow slipped in the Curious George theme song)
• Take Five - Dave Brubeck (my kind of cool jazz..almost hypnotic)
• That's The Way I've Always Heard it Should Be - Carly Simon (dysfunctional family song at it's best.. "The children hate them for the things they're not...they hate themselves for what they are"...) strong stuff
• More Than This - Roxy Music (not my favorite Roxy music song on not my favorite Roxy music album, hey)
• The Way - Fastball (great "Alternative Pop" song from the late 90's - love the chorus...a great chorus makes for a great song...chorus kicks in at 1:11 if you don't want to wait for it)

Give it a listen...

• Positively 4th Street - Bob Dylan ("You've got a lot of nerve, to say you are my friend...")
• I Like to Sleep Late in the Morning - David Bromberg (Nice hangover song)
• Boom Boom - John Lee Hooker (boom boom boom boom)

         

• Temptation Eyes - The Grass Roots (looking through my my my my eyes)..the repeat is always a nice touch as well
• Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves - Cher (I'm a sucker for 70's pop..as this list will surely proove out)
• For You Blue - Beatles ("...because you're sweet an lovely girl, I love you") Don't you love a good George song?

          

• Little Martha - Allman Brothers (nice southern instrumental that makes me smile)
• Let Your Love Flow - Bellamy Brothers (not really brothers (I don't think), but do you need to be brothers to write a catchy song?)
• Rock The Boat - Hues Corporation ("Well I'd like to know where you got the notion"...) reference my comment four songs back

            

• Wishing You Were Here - Chicago w/ the Beach Boys singing harmony (During a recent walk I realized how much I like songs with horns in it...that's where the idea for this blog originated. I was going to call it "Horny Music"...bet that would have got a lot of hits)
• Tennesee Jed - Levon Helm (Love this. If I was in a band this is the kind of band I'd want to be in. If I wrote music, this is the kind of music I'd like to write. If I wasn't such a schmuck I would have travelled to Woodstock to see Levon Helm preform this at one of his legendary Midnight Rambles before he passed away. This is actually a Grateful Dead song, but Levon's version is the one for me. I couldn't have been in the Grateful Dead...I could have been in Levon's band. Did I mention I love this?

Here it is

I've listened to this three times while writing the blog

• Uneasy Rider - Charlie Daniels Band (clever as hell.."Well you may not know it but this man's a spy. He's an undercover agent for the FBI and he's been sent down here to infiltrate the Ku Klux Klan"...)
• (Thursday) Here's Why I Did Not Go to Work Today - Harry Nilsson (This is great.."Thursday's surreptitiously unique" Who the hell uses the word "surreptitiously"...Harry Nillson, that's who. Genius.)

         

• Santeria - Sublime (Love the feel of this song, but God's honest truth, after hearing it a few hundred times, I can still not get the words right when I sing along to it...oh, and I do.)
• Treat Her Like Lady - Cornelius Brothers and Sister Rose (you read that right...great pop song from the 70's) 
• Love is Like a Rock - Donnie Iris (You can't beat a nice guitar lick)

          

• Waterloo - Abba (I don't know how that one got in there)
• Badge - Cream (doing a George Harrison song. Classic)
• Take Five - Dave Brubeck ( repeat, but I listened to it again just the same)
• Israelites - Desmond Dekker (maybe the first reggae song that ever got radio airplay...if you like Bob Marley, try this on for size)
• Hocus Pocus - Focus (I'm sure I've referenced this before..as a matter of fact I know I have with a video link...cool freak out whistling song)

• The Wheel - Jerry Garcia ("...if the thunder don't get you then the lightning will"...)
• Midnight at the Oasis - Maria Muldaur (this one might make it on every playlist I create...could possibly be the most played song on my ipod)
• New England - Modern Lovers - ("I've seen old Israel's arid plains...it's magnificent, but so's Maine"...)
• Put Your Big Toe in the Milk Of Human Kindness - Elvis Costello ("but always so capricious, in the face of wonder we're suspicious, and though we came from frogs and fishes"...don't you love Elvis?)

           

• I Got a Line on You - Spirit (One of the great opening riffs in popular music)
• New Coat of Paint - Tom Waits ("Let's put a new coat of paint on this lonesome old town"...doesn't get much better)
• Keep Me in Your Heart - Warren Zevon ("Shadows are falling and I'm running out of breath. Keep me in your heart for awhile". Not the last time I'll say this to anyone that will listen...play this at my funeral...please.)

I think those got me across the Mass pike into NY. Those plus a wheel gripping pit stop when the (Holy shit there is the biggest, fastest spider crawling up my hotel room wall...oh, he just disappeared behind a mirror...I'll be safe until I fall asleep and he crawls into my bed) morning sky turned midnight black, the rains opened up so much that cars either pulled over (which didn't seem safe) or slowed down to about 25mph (which also didn't feel safe). I was halfway between rest stops when the downpour came, so I pushed through about ten miles and then pulled into a rest stop and waited it out for a half hour. When I got back on the road there was a surreal feel for the next few miles...signs that all sorts of madness had occurred during the storm. I came across a dead cow in the passing lane of the turnpike...how it got there I haven't a clue...my guess is was peacefully chewing some cud out in a field when it got picked up by a funnel and was deposited a few miles away. Just up the road was a fifty foot pine tree split clean down the middle blazing in a fire to beat the band. Mayhem in Massachusetts.

Well, I got you to New York with me, now that's enough. If this list (christ, he wrote another list, didn't he?) gets you to listen to at least one of these songs that you didn't know or hadn't heard in ages, then I'll consider this a success. If you did, let me know which one...I'd love to know. 

Peace and love.

I hope the good guys win.