C'mon, I was only ten years old

1974
This was my life....mostly in pictures.
(as best I can remember, so no fact checking needed)
This is how I rolled...my Mom's Dodge Challenger


I remember driving in this car when we heard on the radio (my Mom always had the radio on - but more on that later) that Mama Cass had died.(Disclaimer for those of you under 30...Mama Cass was a singer in the band the Mamas and the Papas...you should know about them, and if you don't, shame on you). We were driving in town Portland, I'm even going to say it was driving up Casco Street or Brown Street heading towards Congress Street....because stuff used to be on Casco and Brown Streets in 1974. After Mom got rid of this muscle car she went with a Plymouth Volare'. Oh, and it was a station wagon. tsk tsk tsk.

My primary means of transportation in '74 was something like this...




That's right, A Schwinn Sting Ray....and yes, it was yellow. Somewhere there's an awesome picture of me straddling my bike in my driveway wearing a matching yellow wind breaker. Probably getting ready to ride down to "the Park", which would be the Sunset Park ballfields at the end of New York Ave in South Portland Maine. I might have been on my way to hit my infamous little league tryouts home run that I've referenced in the past...and probably will again sometime in the future.
For anyone that wants to reminisce with me, here it is...
http://pompatusofpete.blogspot.com/2011/10/strolling-kitties.html

Speaking of 1974 sports (which I just was), I think it was just the year before when my older brother broke it to me that the Harlem Globetrotters were not the world champions of basketball...so I decided to follow the Celtics. Coincidently that was the year that they won the NBA championship. Great team...John Havlicek, Dave Cowens, Paul Silas, and my favorite, Jo Jo White. Jo Jo White might have been overshadowed by some of the other stars (although he was an all star himself), I liked him because he seemed cool...and cool was everything to a ten year old.

Coincidentally , I think that's why Rico Petrocelli was my favorite Red Sox player..because he seemed cool. As an adult, I got to spend an entire day with Rico, basically just the two of us (don't recall if I've written about that one before, if not, I've got a feeling it will be coming), and you know what? He was cool.


1974.....
I was in fourth grade at Thornton Heights elementary school. Mr. Northrop was my teacher. Mr Northrop is now a friend of mine on Facebook.




...That's it in the background...couldn't find a decent older photo of it. The library was in the basement...there was no gym...it had a dirt baseball field..and I loved it. 1974 would have been the first time we had a basketball team at school. You see Thornton Heights only went up to fourth grade, and then you went to Skillin for two years, before moving on to junior high. Don't ask me why, that's just the way it was. The point of that prior sentence was so I could point out, our 4th grade basketball team was playing the 4th, 5th, and 6th grade teams of the other elementary schools in town, and the scrappers from the west side of the city held their own. Back in the day South Portland had nine or ten elementary schools. I still remember some of my teammates...Joe McHugh -great athlete, Scott Merrill- fastest kid I ever saw (demonstrated in later years by getting chased by the police through the woods at innumerable keg parties), Rick Russell - who broke his arm the next year at Skillin playing buck buck on the teeter totter during recess, Tom Lee - who lived across the street from the school and had the nicest Mom, John McQuinn - strongest kid that ever attended 4th grade(anywhere...ever), Elliot Chamberlain - who now builds "great neighborhoods" here in Maine, Peter Flynn and Tod Douglass - unfortunately neither of which are still with us, and me. My coach (Joe McHugh's Dad...who you can still see ushering at Sea Dogs games in the Summer) gave me the moniker "The Gentle Giant". Not exactly what a 4th grade kid wants to be called, but unfortunately, it was pretty accurate...and my Mom liked it


1974.....1974

1974 was around the time I started getting interested in music. Like I said earlier, my Mom always had the radio on...I had older brothers and an older sister that were listening to the best music of the time. Unfortunately we were listening to it on something like this..


But hey, it was portable.

That music takes me back to times when we'd play outside until the lights came on....to when we'd go sledding up to "the Pits" in the Winter...when we'd build forts out in the woods....when we used to ride in the back of station wagons....eating lunch at A&W....playing Indian Ball down at the Park...having slot car races...banging my knuckles playing with clackers (remember those?)


So close your eyes (or don't) and maybe this will bring you back to 1974 (posting this was actually the whole point of writing about 1974...and it only took me about a thousand words to get here)

Oh, and by the way, Mikey from those Life cereal commercials did not die from eating pop rocks after drinking a Coke...at least, I don't think he did.

That ship has...now, what's the best way to say it..oh, I know, sailed

I once saw Bachman Turner Overdive in concert...not what I expected...they were all out of shape (not that it really matters), but they actually looked kind of slovenly. I remember Randy Bachman was wearing overalls and looked a bit like Haystacks Calhoun (a wrestler from the "golden days" of wrestling...well, at least the wrestling I remember watching on Saturdays before Creature Double Feature would come on).

That, by the way, is Haystacks Calhoun....not Creature Double Feature

Sort of like the time I saw Foghat. Not knowing any better I wanted to see this guy...

...but this was the Foghat I saw....

Well, not quite that bad..but I couldn't find an image of the red one piece jumpsuit that the guy from Foghat was wearing. Really...it was red...and it was a jumpsuit....and it was one piece. It actually looked like a character that Will Ferrell would have done in a sketch, only this predated Will Ferrell by about fifteen years, and it was real. Can anyone say Spinal Tap?

This blog was supposed to be about me missing out on another great business opportunity (hence the title). I usually put a video in the blogs of mine...and though I really wanted to post Maria Muldaur doing Midnight at the Oasis, it didn't fit the theme, which is the point of those clips in the first place. I'll find another time to post that one. So then I landed on BTO doing Taking Care of Business, but now I don't feel like that one either.

Anyway this business opportunity wasn't like some of the others that I had thought of but didn't follow through on...thankfully. None of those would have worked. This one would have.
Some of the others were in the vein of...

• My shipping/mailing company I was going to call Big Man's Package
• The lumber store that was only going to be open from 5 - 11 AM called Morning Wood
• Or the hardware store that just sold nails, but I wanted it to be first in the yellow pages so I called it Anails
• or the tow truck business, which I thought would be clever to have a camel on the side of the truck...sort of like if you're stranded in the desert all you'd need is a camel to get you out. I thought Camel Tows had a better ring to it than other people
• the well digging company I called boring deep holes
• or the specialty shop that I was going to open with my friends Mike and Scott that we'd only open for a few days a month. We were going to call it the PMS store

Then there was always Scratch Pete's Fresh Nuts, but Bob still doesn't want to put up the damn sign

So, I can't come up with a business clip...but I can come up with something that aligns with the title of this sorry blog...

...so I'd like to know where you got the notion

smell this...does this smell funny to you?

I saw the dead tree truck today. Let me clarify...If you have a real Christmas tree, they don't last forever (unless, of course, you have a real real Christmas tree), after the holiday (usually Christmas or New Years...or if your extremely lazy and feel the need to have a six foot pile of dry kindling in your living room, I guess you could extend it to Martin Luther's King Jr's birthday or if you have an unnatural love of arson, Valentine's Day) you take your tree out, and at least in my town, you put it on the sidewalk to be picked up by the city. That's the truck I saw, the city discarded dead Christmas tree truck. It reminded me of that scene from Monty Pythons the Holy Grail where Eric Idle is collecting the dead in a wagon that is being pulled through he streets.
here's the scene

...for those of you that don't bother watching the clips I always put on here (it's ok, you can admit it, I know there's a few of you...but you are missing out)...the humor of the clip is someone trying to put an old man on the pile that isn't dead yet all the while insisting "I'm not dead" and "I feel better" and "Can I go for a walk" and other non dead or dieing type things.

That's what the Christmas truck reminded me of.

...and that got me thinking of other things that are obsolete...or outdated...or no longer useful.

Such as,
Combo dvd and vcr players.

I don't even know if I have a vcr in my house that works anymore, but I probably have about a hundred "tapes". These combo players were once cutting edge, well at least for those of us that wanted to embrace this "new digital dvd technology" but were dumb enough to think that the vhs tape wouldn't go the same way as 8 tracks or then cassettes and then even albums (although I have to admit, I still do love my albums - but that's another story for another time). Christ, we're not far from dvd's being irrelevant as well. The dvd/vhs combo reminds me of my first stereo that had not only an AM/FM tuner and a turntable, but also an 8 track player...not even a cassette player...and 8 track player. Always loved how Smoke on the Water abruptly stopped at the end of track one and then, after much clunking and shifting, would restart in that spot on the next track. How come it didn't sound like that in concert?


Polaroid Instant Cameras
Remember these? You'd take your picture, then, vvvvt, the camera would eject this blank sheet of film that in a matter of minutes would miraculously appear as your photo right before your eyes. Amazing! Everybody had instant cameras, but not everyone had the Handle. I got the Handle one Christmas...I say around '77 or '78. I remember taking pictures of the albums I got for Christmas that year...I remember taking pictures of my dog Duke....I remember having pictures taken of me, usually wearing some sort of long sleeved striped rugby shirt with the sleeves pushed up my forearm (which was cool) or me in my Miami Dolphins pajamas (which was not cool). Good stuff.
I think one of the reasons the Handle may not have caught on was , picture quality aside, it weighed about seventeen pounds, although it did come with a nice nylon strap so you could wear it around you neck if you desired...or if you desperately wanted some sort of neck injury. That and the fact that you had to turn a crank to get the picture to pop out. Even in 1977 that was obsolete.

Polaroid pictures, or at least the reference of polaroid pictures made a comeback a few years ago because of that Outkast song "Hey Ya". The line was "Shake it like a polaroid picture" and all of a sudden those millions of kids that made this a number one song got a history lesson of what photography for the common man was like prior to digital. It became part of our vernacular again. That's right vernacular.

But speaking of digital...that will soon be obsolete as well.
Check this out.   http://www.lytro.com/   Essentially this camera allows you to manipulate the picture after you take it. You know how pictures get ruined when you focus or include the wrong image in the foreground or background? The Lytro lets you move the focus off that object after you've taken the picture. You can switch a photo from 2D to 3D, change the perspective, or do whatever else you want to do to the image. This isn't Photoshop changes to an already taken picture. With the Lytro the photo is alive inside your camera.

This is Jetson's stuff we're talking about here...this is Star Wars...this is 2012. Wait, actually this is 2012.

Phone Booths
This struck me last year. We were in Epcot, in the World showcase, England specifically. We were taking pictures of my youngest standing inside a replica of an old red phone booth...like they used to have in London.




I realized it wasn't the quaint look of the red booth that intrigued her...it was the fact that there used to be these monoliths erected outside where you used to have to enter into, and you used to have to close the door (for privacy), and you used to have to pay money, and speak into a receiver (it is called the receiver, isn't it?) that was attached to a cord that was attached to the phone.
Ain't that a kick in the ass?


That Tupperware container in the back of my fridge
No explanation needed on that one


The point of this blog
I think I've "jumped the shark" on this one.
Google it.


Peace.

Take five

Here's the plan...you click on the video, take a few seconds to soak up the cool vibes, then read the rest of this post. Let's see how the timing works.

Ready?  Go.

A new year is almost upon us. It's a time when people make resolutions. Oh, and then break them. I guess it makes sense to do it at the beginning of the year versus, let's say March 5th, for instance. Fresh year, fresh start. I get it. The problem with these resolutions is that most often they are destined for failure. Who actually keeps these resolutions? Seems like the perfect way to start the year off on a bad note actually...the pressure of committing to something you're not really that committed to in the first place. Destined to failure on the first day of the year. Wouldn't it be better to make , say, 52 mini resolutions a year? Achievable resolutions, maybe even made up on the spot. Here's some examples....

I won't run that red light.


I'll put gas in my car before I run out.

I'll feed the cat.

I'll comb my hair.

But that's not how it works. So here's my take at some new years resolutions that I think may be achievable. Plus, these are so underwhelming that if you break one, no big deal. Feel free to use them for your own if you want to. I won't mind. Really. I won't.

(Are you still listening to Take Five? I'm not going to hold up my end of the bargain if you're not yours. Now go back, start the video again, and reread from the beginning).

2012 Resolutions
Volunteer more.
   Aim low on this one. I'm not talking blood drives, or PTA, or soup kitchens. Instead try something like checking to see if your local Bakery needs someone to do "quality assurance", you know, a taste tester. I'm thinking of offering up my services this year to not just one, but two bakeries this year. I know, pretty ambitious, but you know what they say.."Go big or go home" or in this case.."Get big then go home". If that doesn't work then there's always couch tester.


I will not use lame abbreviations in anything I write
   I'm not talking about abbreviations like "etc."...or "St."...or "Mr. or Mrs."...or "YMCA". I'm talking about texting abbreviations. I'm talking about "jk" or "lol" or "lmao" or "gtg". On reason is because I'm not a 12 year old girl. Another reason is because I'm not a slacker. I don't think typing "kk" is any easier to type than "ok"...seriously that's how "kk" came about. It is apparently that much easier to hit one key twice than taking the extraordinary effort to actually move your finger diagonally that quarter inch to hit that "o" then the "k". Seriously...saving time for what? That takes lazy to a whole new level.


More drinking, fewer hangovers.
   This one is achievable. What I mean is drink for the enjoyment of the act and not for the outcome. Find some good beer, drink it for the pleasure, drink it slow, enjoy it. Then stop. I see myself with a steady intake of alcohol this way. Doctors even recommend it. It will give me something encouraging to say at my next check up.
Doctor, "So, what have you been doing to take better care of yourself this year?"

Me, "Well, I drink everyday now."

Same with wine. Search out some great wine and food pairings. Attend some wine tastings. Sip, swish, and spit....or, since I'm an amateur, I'm going to replace spit with swallow. At least until I get the hang of it.

Watch less television

    Well, that's watch less television in standard definition. I'm plan on going HD only in 2012. Oh, and big screen as well. I'm tired of wasting my time on my 24 incher. Oh, and absolutely nothing in black and white. That's so yesteryear.

Keep at this blog.
   If you keep reading, I'll keep writing.


..and remember ...A New Years resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

TTFN
(See, I just broke one. I feel better already)

Peace and love to all in 2012.
   

Who's the guy that writes those books?

 Christmas Eve Eve...everybody's talking about Christmas. Everybody that is, except me. Not this time. Not now. I've done that. Let's talk about something else.
Baseball or more specifically, the Red Sox...or more specifically, Opening Day...or more specifically. Opening Day 1998.
This was from 1998 (taken from "the bathroom sessions")

See, I used to have a tradition, and I'd have to say it was a good one. Me and a group of buddies (that changed throughout the years, but that's not important) always made a point of going to the home opener of the Red Sox...always...every year...until I stopped. Seventeen straight...1992 - 2009. Yes, that's games, but it's also years. It stopped due to a rain out and my inability to reschedule around work for the following day. Then last year, I just didn't have the gumption...I think because the streak had already been broken.

(This , by the way, was going to be the tattoo I was going to get if the Red Sox ever won a world series in my lifetime...an idea definitely hatched at one of these opening days with my good buddy John. As a matter of fact the first phone call I got after the Sox did win that first championship was from John, within minutes of the win, that went something like this..
John, "You know that whole tattoo thing?" "I'm cool if you don't want to do that anymore".
That and another championship later, we're both still tattoo-less).

So, anyway, back to that Opening day...the year before was bad...we got some good players in the off season (Pedro Martinez' first year) and ended up in the playoffs at the end of the season. but all that's irrelevant. This is what I remember about that Opening Day (bulletized)

• It was against the Seattle Mariners
• It was my best chance -ever- to catch a foul ball hit into the stands. We're sitting in the left field box seats..there's a left handed batter up (don't recall who) he hits a line drive that veers into the seats...coming my way...I'm tracking the ball...it is coming DIRECTLY to me...I stand up...put out both hands...THIS IS MINE...the ball is literally three feet in front of me...when my friend (Dave) just to my left, reaches across with his left hand (because he is holding a beer in his right)...(to demonstrate, please take your left arm, reach across your body, and imagine catching a ball to the right of you. You have to turn your hand over, right? You can't catch anything that way, right? Right!)...and stops the ball inches from my hand. That was stops, not catches. Ball falls underneath the seat in front of me and the guy sitting there picks it up and goes nuts. There is probably video of that guy celebrating getting his (my) foul ball with me hollering at Dave in the background. So close.
• Randy Johnson was pitching against us (us being the Red Sox, not me and my friends). The game is not close.
• About the fourth inning Dave sees Stephen King sitting about ten rows in front of us. He turns to me and says, "Peter, who's that guy that writes all those books?" Me, not being able to answer a question with no logical answer says nothing. My other buddy, John (remember him?), decides to though and he says to Dave, "Tom Clancy?" Dave says, "Yeah, that's him". At which point he starts heckling Stephen King. "Hey Tom Clancy!"... "Hey Clancy".."Hey Tom Clancy, you can't write a nightmare as bad as this!"..."Hey Tom Clancy!"...and so forth and so on. Dave keeps it up until Stephen King stands, turns around and waves to Dave. That's all he was looking for.

• We strike up a friendship with a group of people from Seattle that are sitting behind us. We spend the next few innings having some fun banter with them. Game is not going well.
• About the seventh inning Stephen King leaves the game. Dave hollers out to him. "Clancy's a fair weather fan", "Clancy's a quitter". "Go back to Maine, Clancy, where you belong" and other such vulgarities
• So, bottom of the 9th inning Randy Johnson has mowed us down. Literally. Two hits, two runs, and fifteen strikeouts. Randy Johnson was a badass back then. Never more than this game. Randy Johnson was such a badass that he once killed a bird with a pitch during a game. Here it is...

• Then the impossible happens....Randy Johnson doesn't come out to pitch the 9th inning. We are losing 7-2. Who comes trotting out? Heathcliff Slocumb. You read that right...Heathcliff Slocumb. Really. Heathcliff. Heathcliff Slocumb used to pitch for the Red Sox, but the year prior we traded him to these Seattle Mariners for a young catcher named Jason Varitek. We got the better of the deal. Dave says to me, "Peter, we're going to win this game. Stephen King is listening to this game and is wishing he wasn't in Portsmouth by now. I bet he wishes he could turn around and come back". Dave turns around and says to our friends from Seattle, "You just lost the game". Then Dave starts in on Heathcliff..."You're a bum", "Welcome back to Fenway you bum!", and lets not forget "Sloooocumb...Slooocumb...Slooocumb" (Dave opted to not go for the easier target of Heathcliff - first class hecklers know these kind of things), and so forth and so on. Slocumb gives up a few hits...a few runs...walks a batter...and gets no one out. He get pulled out of the game. Score is now 7-5. Another pitcher comes in and walks a batter. He gets pulled. Two runners on and no outs. Another pitcher. Gives up a hit. He comes out. Bases loaded...no outs...Fenway Park is going berserk. New pitcher. Mo Vaughn steps up to the plate. Mo Vaughn was a big (BIG) first baseman with a big swing. - As an aside - I once had a chance to stand up and ask Nomar Garciaparra one question in a roomful of about 300 people. I asked him who he thought would win in a hot dog eating contest, Mo Vaughn or Big Papi? He smiled and said he didn't know, but he would pay money to see it happen. - Back to the game...Mo Vaughn steps up to the plate....bases loaded....no outs...gets one pitch...takes a mighty swing...and POW...Grand Slam. Red Sox win 9-7. Crowd goes nuts, everyone's getting and giving high fives (even our friends from Seattle), and I'm hoarse for three days. End of story.

• To prove it happened, here's the box score...http://www.baseball-almanac.com/box-scores/boxscore.php?boxid=199804100BOS

Except for this. The next year, at opening Day, same cast of characters. Dave sees Stephen King down in front of us again. Dave hollers, "Hey Clancy, you leaving in the seventh inning today?"

Stephen King turns around, takes off his cap, and tips it to Dave.

Now it's the end of the story.

Mairzy Doats

Christmas is coming , the goose is getting fat...let's get random.
Here's a good one...did it really used to be this simple?

As I type this, a slew of thoughts are swirling about my head...much like my early morning Thanksgiving post
http://pompatusofpete.blogspot.com/2011/11/rise-and-shine-sleepyhead.html
...so here's some of the things I'm thinking of....

remember....random.

The Wizard of Oz. I sat down, put my laptop in my lap (if I'm anything, it's a stickler for the obvious), and turned on the television set. Lo and behold here was the Wizard of Oz, towards the end, just before Dorothy and her crew get the directive to fetch the witches broom..and I thought, "jeez, I wish I had turned this on earlier (by the way, this is me thinking to myself) I missed the parts where she meets her travel companions and they all sing their individual songs about their inadequacies and such." Or something along those lines....I think you know what I mean.

Wouldn't you know, it was replaying immediately following, so guess what I'm watching the second time around? Speaking of second, this is actually the second time I've posted a Wizard of Oz song on a blog...back aways I included a clip of Elvis Costello doing"If I Only Had a Brain" (you can dig for that on your own if you wish, I think one link back to a prior blog is enough self promoting).

I've never done the experiment where you simultaneously time the playing of Pink Floyd's The Dark Side of the Moon with the Wizard of Oz. But then again, I no longer do the "kinds of things" that would have made that some sort of priority in my life...but maybe I should do it anyway...but probably without "those kinds of things".

Speaking of music and movies...I once told a group of coworkers (during one of those "icebreaker" exercises, that helps you "get to know your coworkers better") that I knew every word to every song in Grease.
I actually do.

But neither of those are my favorite movie. My favorite movie is Rear Window by Alfred Hitchcock. Now that, my friends, is quality movie making. When I was in high school (which, by the way, was the early eighties) there was sort of a Hitchcock revival taking place...a lot of his films were re-released...I went to quite a few of them, but it was Rear Window that I repeatedly dragged a few of my friends to (does anyone remember that?) If you have never seen it, first...shame on you, and second...what are you waiting for? I will not give any of the plot away, but I will say it is the smartest, best directed, most cleverly filmed movie ever made. ...and even though this isn't one of my DEFINITIVE lists...there will be no disputing this.

Oh and Grace Kelly. C'mon.





ok....random, remember?.....

This time of the year reminds me of my favorite memory of my Nana . Nana was my Mom's mother. My Mother is now Nana...and has been for quite a long time. But I'm talking about my Nana and my favorite memory of her. My parents would go out every New Years Eve (a tradition I have not upheld), I don't remember where, or with who...although I can think of a few who's and possibly, quite possibly, it may have involved the Men's Club. The Men's Club! How audacious is that? But, at the time I thought nothing of it...anyway, I digress. That whole era is for another blog, maybe. Back to Nana.
On New Year's Eve, Nana used to let me stay up to watch the ball drop with her..and it always had to be Guy Lombardo (Google that one you youngsters!).




Let's figure I'm sawing logs by 12:30...so Nana's in bed by what, maybe 1:00?

Here's the memory...back when I was young we always had an artificial tree (again, an opportunity to link to a prior blog, but I'll resist) which we would leave up through the New Year. By the time I would wake up on January 1 she would have that damned tree undecorated, lights off and bundled, taken apart, boxed up ( and this box was literally big enough to put an elephant in), dragged down into the basement, and stored away for another year.
That's my favorite memory of my Nana.

Oh, her name was Maggie. I like that.

Loved her.

Speaking of trees, this year I turned into my Father for the annual ritual of decorating said tree. Actually I became Papa, since it involved my two daughters. Even  though I pointed it out at one point when I realized I had metamorphosed into Papa..I continued to do even after I had realized it. I couldn't help it. Everyone got a good laugh out of it. This is how it went.


The Scene: My two daughters picking through the decorations to put on the tree. Mom participating too. Me sitting in a chair in the corner of the room.
The Plot. My daughters trying to decorate the tree despite the random and vague but frequent directions from me (Papa) put forth from the corner of the room.

The scene goes something like this.

My Daughter(s), holding up a decoration,"Do you like this one Daddy?"
Me (Daddy). "Yeah that one's great".
Daughter(s) turns to the tree, looks for the perfect spot and hangs the decoration.
Me, whilst gesturing by extending my left arm and pointing, "Move that one over a little bit"
Daughter(s), "Here?"
Me (now Papa), "No, to the left and up"
Daughter(s), "Here?"
Papa, "Over. Over some more. That branch right there. No, not that one. One down. Over. Over. Up. Nope, next one. That one. Perfect."
Repeat 12 times.

Ain't getting old a kick in the pants?

Second showing of the Wizard is almost done, so I shall follow suit and be almost done as well.

I'll leave you with this...
Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind
Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and auld lang syne.

...whatever the hell that means....

Happy Kringle, despite this

My last post was
THE DEFINITIVE LIST OF THE BEST CHRISTMAS SONGS OF ALL TIME.

http://pompatusofpete.blogspot.com/2011/12/id-like-to-teach-world-to-sing.html

This one wasn't on it, but if I hadn't been falling asleep towards the end of writing it I would have gone from making a list of seven to a list of eight.

Not everybody's taste, but it surely is mine...and remember, there's no debating the list...because it's definitive.

Anyway, I said my next post was going to be the worst Christmas songs of all time, so without further ado, is
THE DEFINITIVE LIST OF THE WORST CHRISTMAS SONGS OF ALL TIME

7) Tie. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reggae and Wonderful Christmastime.
   Paul McCartney
   It is almost (almost) sacrilegious for me to say something negative about a member of my favorite band. Sorry Sir Paul. These aren't good. Rudolph is 1) An instrumental....and 2) Not Reggae. I don't even know what the instrument is. Maybe one of those saws that you bend and play with a bow? Beats the hell out of me.

...and Wonderful Christmastime. This one sounds like Paul just got a synthesizer for an early Christmas present,...and didn't know how to use it yet. Oh, and here's some sample lyrics..
Ding dong ding dong ding dong ding
oo-oo-oo-oo
oo-oo-oo-oo-oo
doo-doo,doo-doo, doo-d-doodoo
Actually, maybe Linda wrote the lyrics. Even Ringo's Christmas songs are better than this. Try to tell me with a straight face that you'd rather be at the Christmas party in this video instead of the one in Dylan's video. I won't believe you....and I will disregard any future opinion of yours as well.

6) Little Drummer Boy

Really? Pa rum pum pum? What kind of drum sounds like pa rum pum pum? I don't remember any drumming in the Gift of the Magi...oh, wait a minute, wrong reference, that's O. Henry. Now that's a story..here you go, something to take your mind of this bad, bad music http://www.online-literature.com/donne/1014/

According to this poor excuse for a song, the little drummer boy didn't have anything to give baby Jesus, so he played him a song on his drum. This made baby Jesus smile. I think more likely it was gas.

Oh, and I'd give the Christmas special a D...easily three grades below Rudolph, even worse than Frosty the Snowman, about on par with Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol.

The song starts about 1:30 in...I don't blame you if you don't make it that far

5) Dominick the Donkey

  Lou Monte

Jing a de jing...Hee haw hee haw. The Italian Christmas Donkey? I ain't picking up what he's laying down. ..and if it's an Italian Christmas song, how come the only people I know that like it are from Biddeford?

4) Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer
  Elmo and Patsy
Not funny. It goes something like this.
Grandma drinks to much "eggnog"
Grandma stumbles out of the house to get her "medication"
Grandma gets killed by Santa Claus.
Grandpa watches football, drinks, and plays cards the next day.
Like I said, not funny.
We're smarter than this.

3). Do They Know it's Christmas(Feed the World)

   Band Aid

Hey, I'm not knocking the cause. I'm for feeding starving children in Ethiopia as much as the next guy. I'm knocking the song. A bunch of 80's British "rock" stars got together...and I use that term loosely. David Bowie actually recorded his part and mailed it in. Literally. Oh, and the lead singer from Frankie Goes to Hollywood (Frankie Goes to Hollywood, for Christ sakes) was so committed to the cause that he recorded his part over the phone. Did you read what I just wrote? OVER THE PHONE. What that hell was he too busy doing? Cleaning Freddie Mercury's underwear? Even Bono, who I'm a fan of (well, a fan of his band) was given a line to sing, which to me, even 27 years later, I can't figure how it can be deemed charitable. In response to the previous line about "the Christmas bells in Africa being clanging chimes of doom", or something equally horrific and tragic...Bono shouts out "Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you!" WTF is that all about? He's glad it's people starving in Africa and not somebody he knows? That's what he's saying, isn't it?

Here it is...get your big hair wigs out 

2) The Christmas Shoes

    Newsong

I can't say anything about this one without being offensive. So I won't,

Just horrible.

Finally...the top (or bottom) song in

THE DEFINITIVE LIST OF THE WORST CHRISTMAS SONGS OF ALL TIME

1). Last Christmas

   Wham!

I'm in my car the other day travelling with a co worker. My co worker is a few years younger than me, happily married, two kids, from upstate Maine, hunts, fishes,chops his own firewood... (I'm painting a picture here).

So with no prompting (no radio)

This is how it goes...

He starts singing..

"Last Christmas I gave you my heart, but the very next day you gave it away...."

Me, "Stop that."

Him, "What?"

Me,"Is that Wham your singing?"

Him, "I guess so."

Me, "You cannot sing that shit in my car. It's not allowed."

He chuckles.

Me, "I mean it. Get out of my car."

I pull over.

He gets out in shame.

He starts walking.

I drive off.

This was in Albany NY. I haven't seen him since. He's probably still walking. He deserved it.

So that's it...
THE DEFINITIVE LIST OF THE WORST CHRISTMAS SONGS OF ALL TIME.

I've gotta go play some Foghat.....

Peace.

I'd like to teach the world to sing...

Anybody remember this one?

Wasn't it originally a Christmas commercial? I thought it was, but maybe not...or maybe it was remade years later as a Christmas commercial. For some reason I remember this song then a pull back (or fade back, or some such thing...you know, zooming out) and the singers were arranged like a Christmas tree, standing on the side of a hill. The remake is the most probable scenario, seeing as how original ideas for commercials are very few and far between.

This blog isn't about Coke, this is about Christmas songs, or more pointedly, the best Christmas songs. This is only my opinion, but it is 100% accurate. There will be no debating this list, because the name of this list is
THE DEFINITIVE LIST OF THE BEST CHRISTMAS SONGS OF ALL TIME.

Although if I had to make this list again tomorrow it would probably be different (besides it gives me another opportunity to create another list, which if you remember , is one of my favorite things)...to refresh your memory http://pompatusofpete.blogspot.com/2011/10/bite-me.html

so, without further ado
THE DEFINITIVE LIST OF THE BEST CHRISTMAS SONGS OF ALL TIME
(the top seven, because no one does the top seven of anything....in ascending order)

7) Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)
   Best version is by Darlene Love and is on the album (yes, album) A Christmas Gift For You From Phil Spector. This might be my favorite Christmas album (yes, album) of all time. This was Phil Spector at his best...  Phil Spector and his famous "wall of sound"..Phil Spector that produced all those great girl group albums of the sixties, and All Things Must Pass (George Harrison), and Imagine (John Lennon). Not the Phil Spector that is the freak doing time for torturing and killing that model late night in his mansion a few years ago.
Although, by all accounts he was "an eccentric genius" when he was making those great albums.

Anyway...Darlene Love

6) God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman/We Three Kings
      I like this version by Barenaked Ladies and Sarah McLachlan. This is a very clever band and I love how they seamlessly weave these two classics together, apparently God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen is the oldest Christmas song still in existence (wow, a little serious there Pete...let's bring it down a notch). I think the Barenaked Ladies are wicked smart and I think Sarah McLachlan has a great voice, oh and they're both Canadians. Not a great video, but this is the version.

5) River
      Speaking of Canadians, Joni Mitchell. Joni, Joni, Joni. She was IT for singer/songwriters of the seventies, in my opinion (which, in this case, is 100% completely, without a doubt, spot on accurate. Trust me.). This clip is just the song with lyrics. Wouldn't be a better way to show this one, listen to the song, follow along to the lyrics, and paint the picture in your mind.

"You tried hard to help me
You put me at ease.
You loved me so naughty
It made me weak in the knees"

C'mon. That's not even fair. If I had come up with something like that I'd be content to never write again knowing I had come up with something so brilliant.

Oh, and even though the word Christmas is just mentioned twice (actually the same one line repeated at the beginning and the end of the song) it is , most definitely a Christmas song. Enjoy this one.

4) Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow.
     Dean Martin's version is the best. Even though I don't smoke or drink (well, ok, I drink a little bit, but just for sport, not for keeps), I can picture this being sung with a cigarette in one hand and some kind of drink, on the rocks, in the other. I like the simple rhymes as well...frightful-delightful...stopping-popping...dying-good bying (especially love that one). I couldn't find a great video for this one so I was going to post Dean Martin doing a different (non Christmas) song, but in the spirit of the holidays, here it is. Close your eyes, picture being snowbound with the one you love, and enjoy.

3) Skating
    Vince Gauraldi Trio. Vince Gauraldi kicks some Jazz ass. This is another of my favorite Christmas albums (hey kids, there's that word again!). For those of you unfamiliar with Vince, the name of the album is "A Charlie Brown Christmas". That's right, that Charlie Brown. While most would pick the song "Linus and Lucy", you know the one all the kids dance to...


...but Skating really brings the whole feel of that Christmas classic to you immediately...those extended piano runs...the strong bass line...and the drum brush strokes.

Tell me I'm wrong...

Almost done

2) Blue Christmas
    Elvis. Wouldn't include this with every list, but it's Anna's favorite this year, which she informs me of every time we get in the car and it comes on..
Anna, "Daddy"
Me, "What sweetie?"
Anna, "Is this Blue Christmas?"
Me,"Yup"
Anna, "By Elvis?"
Me, "Yup"
Anna, "This one's my favorite"
Me, "I know".....and you know, I can't blame her...it is Elvis for crying out loud.

1) You didn't think I'd ever get here did you?
   Happy Xmas (War is Over)
     John Lennon, Christmas, Peace, Love. Well else could you ask for? What else could you want?
........and so this is Christmas, I hope you have fun.The near and the dear ones, the old and the young.

That's it for now...
....next time THE DEFINITIVE LIST OF THE WORST CHRISTMAS SONGS OF ALL TIME

did you say take a right at the light and keep going straight until night

...Not sure where this one is going to go.
But I did always like this one...

There was actually a guy that moved like this at Bubba's last night. Except he was older, and whiter, and a little bigger, he didn't have much hair, and not nearly as talented, (and I'm not talking about me...this time) but hey...at least he was out there.

Remember this? http://pompatusofpete.blogspot.com/2011/11/i-was-travelling-down-road-feeling.html

...but that's not what I want to talk about

This is what I'm going to talk about.

Christmas lights.

Seems like I've noticed a lot of Christmas lights this year. Anyone else? If not, notice tonight if you're out after dark...or on your way home from work tomorrow, when it will surely be dark out. I've noticed some houses on my usual route home from work lit up that I don't recall seeing before. It's nice...it's even nicer with some snow (which, by they way, I promise this will be the only time I say something favorable about snow..ever...or, at least until the next time). I like it...puts me in the Christmas spirit, or if not in the Christmas spirit, then at least the Winter spirit...which is a necessity here in Maine, where Winter starts October 12th and ends some time after the Opening Day of baseball season.

Like with all things, it doesn't matter what you do in regard to decorating with lights, just that you at least do it.
There's a guy on the next street over that does his chimney on the top of his house in lights..and that's all...kind of classy.

Unlike this...



but at least he did something.

I love the lights in downtown Portland done by Pandora Lacasse...for those of you "from away" here's a few of them...
  

Although I noticed there were none at Deering Oaks this year...unless someone forgot to turn them on this year.
This is what the Oaks looked like last night about midnight (shot with my cell phone camera)


Not as nice, is it?

Damn, I've got to jump in the shower and go pick up Anna Banana...will have to finish this later.

By the way, my house has just been commissioned by the Coast Guard as the 64th active lighthouse on the coast of Maine


Gotta go...peace out.

Sometimes I....No, I don't.

There's a reason I'm posting this video...



...but , for the life of me, I forget what the reason was.

But, that reminds me of something else I can bore you with. My memory. Actually, my lack of memory.
I have a horrible memory. The worst. My memory is so bad it's fairly legendary for people that know me (or pretend to know me...if I don't know them, can they know me?)...and maddening for the people that depend on me to remember things...or even worse, expect me to remind them of things that can't be forgot. Birthdays...appointments...assignments....details in general...I'm not your guy. Sorry.

What reminded me today of my bad memory was running into someone in a store this afternoon. I was waiting to meet a few other people (that I did know, I swear) and a woman with her son walks past me, stops, turns around, and says, "Peter?"

So, naturally, I say, "Hey!, how are you?"...all the while having no idea who this person is..but this was going to buy me some time. Obviously it had been some time since I had seen this person, by the way she said my name (you noticed the question mark, right?)...so I had that going for me. I thought (for a brief second)....I might actually come up with this one.

Her..."I'm good. How have you been?"


Me.."Good, good" "It's been a long time, hasn't it?" (I felt safe with this one...even I can remember people by sight at least, in my recent past...not their names, mind you, but at least a familiar face...and this one was not registering).
....five minutes later, after much joking, and catching up, good conversation and smiles all around, she went on her way, and I, mine.

I still don't know who she was. Never will.

...what was I talking about again?

Oh yeah, my memory.

It's funny. Many things I write about are from the past. Maybe it's "Pete's version" of the past? Perhaps they didn't really happen that way....although I swear they're true...the robbery, my homerun at little league tryouts, the bat in my room (I did write about all of these things, didn't I?)...All true. If it's not true, I'll admit it...like being in the Macy's day parade.

Maybe my memory's not truly bad...


...maybe it's just selective.

I don't remember what I had for dinner last Tuesday, but I do remember my pinewood derby car that didn't go down the track because I used nails in the wheels instead of an axle (don't you forget...I'm not very mechanical)


I don't remember my oldest brother's birthday, but I do remember the two of us going into the woods of Sunset Park to chop down the first real Christmas tree I ever had as a kid, strapping it to the back of his Triumph Spitfire and bringing it back to my parents house...picture this with a tree on it going down New York Avenue with two proud lumberjacks in the car


I don't remember what the last song I heard on the radio in my car was, but I do remember buying Joe's Garage Act 1 (Frank Zappa)..More Songs About Buildings and Food (Talking Heads)...and Get the Knack (yep , the Knack...you know My Sharona, don't you? Sure you do) the same Saturday morning at Recordland on Congress Street, downtown Portland, with Ron Tibbetts and that awesome Jeep convertible of his.



Good times.

I remember words to songs...but not lines to movies
I remember to take out the trash...but often forget my cell phone
I remember the ad meeting where I inadvertently said the "c" word (you try saying cut chunk fruit fast), but I forgot the meeting I was supposed to go to at 11:00 AM today

Oh, and now I remember why I wanted to post that music video, but that will have to wait for another time.

...as long as someone reminds me.

Rise and shine sleepyhead.

3:03 AM

I'm awake. Oh, and so's my cat.

Here's one for you...

Absolutely nothing to do with me not sleeping, but then again there's absolutely no reason for me not to be sleeping....so in a very sleep deprived way, it's the perfect choice. Here's some (very) random thoughts and observations early on this Thanksgiving morning.

QVC is currently selling the Stanley Ultrabright Flashlight. Retail value $49.00...QVC price $34.00..BUT WAIT - there's a red line striking out that price! Featured price $29.98. They currently have it floating in an aquarium, why, I don't know, but they do. Oh, they just took it out and....wait for it...they are pointing it right at me. Holy cow, that is ultrabright. I'm typing this in the dark, but the living room looks like it's got a strobe light going on and off. Actually quite distracting. Didn't this guys Mom teach him to not shine a light directly in someone's eyes...that's annoying...but I feel this guy has spent most of his life being annoying. Honestly.

They certainly are excited about this flashlight.

Do you know anyone that owns an accordion? How's that for random?

My cat seemed to be happy to see me saunter down the stairs at this early hour. I'm sure he thought it was time for breakfast. It was not. He's sleeping now. So much for man's best friend. Wait....wrong animal.

Speaking of pets...QVC is now pushing a motion activated rolling and laughing pet. Comes in monkey, pig, and horse. Apparently kids love these. The two adults in the faux living room are actually having a discussion about the magic of laughter and are just loving the pandemonium that the 14 (or so) of these things rolling amongst them is causing. These will make your kids love you if you buy them. At least I think that's what they're implying. Stop the presses. Betty (with the smoker's voice) is now on the phone. I think she just said she bought four of them for her parents last year and blah blah blah. Really? For her parents? Four?

I must be dreaming.

Oh Christ, the monkey just sold out.



....seemed like a good spot for a picture.

3:29 AM. Teddy (the cat), is still asleep. Actually I think he may be snoring. I'm not. Asleep or snoring.

I'll bet those folks involved with the Macy's day parade are already up.
Reminds me of the time I was in the Macy's day parade.
I was third tether on Garfields tail in 2003.




Actually, that's a lie. I've never been in the Macy's day parade. I've never been in any parade, But, I have been to Macy's...and I've read the Parade magazine section in the Sunday paper.

...and speaking of man's best friend (well, I was awhile ago)....Does anybody else watch the National Dog Show that is televised every Thanksgiving?

I didn't think so.
John O'Hurley (from Maine) is the emcee. You know John O'Hurley, don't you?...J. Peterman from Seinfeld.
The smart money is on the Puli this year.

Here's John O'Hurley...I don't know why he has a cow dressed as a baby in his lap


...and here's a puli...




...apparently puli's can levitate...and they have no legs. That's why I think it will win.

Now what?....

Christ... Sharp has added a yellow pixel and 240 Hz to their latest TV. Apparently this really makes the laces of a football stand out in high def. Kid you not. He just said that. Or have I fallen asleep and  I'm now having a nightmare? You think if I called and ordered one now, I could have it delivered in time for the Dolphins/Cowboys game this afternoon?

4:10 AM Time to go open the refrigerator door and stare aimlessly into it.

4:11 AM. ...and now I've got heartburn. Awesome.

Should probably give sleep a second chance.

That tryptophan is going to own me this afternoon.



Happy Thanksgiving...eat your veggies.

Eat me

I like fruit. Do you?
This one might not get your mouth watering, but it will get your foot tapping.

As I type this I'm eating a bowl of cereal with blueberries on top (actually mixed in...it makes me think I'm evenly dispersing the berries that way, but I'm sure some statistician could prove me wrong, or psychiatrist could prove me nuts). Berries make cereal better, don't you think? I mean, cereal's fine...but cereal with fruit is FINE. It's the juxtaposition (you're welcome) of the crunch of the cereal and the juicy sweet with a touch of tart from the fruit that does it.

Let's not forget about some other berries.

The strawberry has to be the king of the berries. Although you can buy strawberries year round from far off exotic lands with mythical names such as Florida and California, we can all agree there is nothing like a strawberry picked right out of the field. The fact that it's such a fleeting season here in Maine probably makes it all the more special. The red ripe, melt in your mouth, lusciousness of a native berry is tough to beat.










Although a nice raspberry comes close. Raspberries are fun and intriguing. Cone shaped...hollow on the inside...a little fuzzy. What's not to love. Except the picking of them. Have you ever picked raspberries? If not, I've got one word for you.

Thorns.


Speaking of thorns don't forget their cousin the blackberry. People often overlook the wonderfulness of this beauty. Sure you can use blackberries for jams and jellies, honey, wine, and they're great in pies and crumbles...but the best way to eat blackberries is popping them into your mouth one at a time. Did you know that Oregon produces the biggest crop of blackberries in the country? Bet you didn't. Bet you don't care either.



Cranberries.
Not so much (personal preference).
Although I have seen cranberries harvested in Cape Cod and it is something to behold. In very simple terms Cranberry bogs (yep, bogs) are flooded...then the ripe fruit gets detached and floats to the top of the water...the berries are skimmed off the top...you buy them at the grocery store....prepare them for Thanksgiving...then throw away most of what you prepared.


But I will admit to liking Cape Cod Chicken Salad, which is, essentialy, chicken salad with fresh cranberries mixed in. Oh, and pecans or walnuts. Neither of which is indigenous to Cape Cod. Go figure.

Yum.


Not sure if that is a glass of wine, or beer, or perhaps urine. None of them I'd picture going exceptionally well with chiken salad.
The intent of this blog was not to prattle on about berries...but that's clearly what I've done. I wanted to talk about fruit....I haven't even begun to talk about pomegranates!

I guess I bit off a bit more than I could chew.

But that's an idiom.

...and that's a topic for another time.